Lydia+Keating

I have meant to tell this story for a while; not because I think it is a particularly good story or because I think I am a worthwhile writer but more so because I feel like it is something that I need to get off my chest. It’s one of those things that I need to write out and put down on some crisp paper to finally feel freed. Do you understand what I am talking about? The fact is that everyone has secrets. The other fact is that everyone will one day tell someone his or her secrets. I just prefer to tell mine in the organized and elegant fashion of literature. To make this clear to you all, I will start at the beginning, before it all became anything more than an experiment. Chapter 1:

Two years ago when I was sixteen I became somewhat obsessed with National Geographic. Specifically, I became obsessed with the travel section of the website. They do this really cool thing where they basically plan a trip of a lifetime for you. You know, it could be in Bali or Australia or the Maldives. Any obscure place that could potentially spark some kind of flame of interest, National Geographic was on top of. I, living in my small town of Ojai, California and never having been somewhere beyond Santa Barbara, a hefty 40 minute drive from my house, found these trips to go beyond the cramped borders of my naïve imagination. I suddenly realized that I needed to start living the life beyond Nordolk High School, beyond little neighborhoods, and live to what I referred to as a National Geographic Life. I am going to stop now and clarify: this is not the classic “teen soul searching/identity crisis story”. I am merely trying to clear things up so I can live my life void of guilt. T he day I went hiking by myself in Topatopa mountains I told my parents that I would be back by five. I in fact had no intention of returning at five o’clock. In fact, I had no idea of when I would be returning (I thought maybe a week or so). That was my first lie. I was not running away, I was seeking adventure similar to that of National Geographic; but if I had been running away, the fact that my parents paid utterly no attention to the mass amounts of food I was bringing and showed no interest for what I had described as a day hike would have further enforced what would be described as “rebelling teen motives”. It was quite easy to leave without interrogation. My plan was to hike up to the ridge. I left at 9:34 that morning and reached the upper ridge by 7:13 at night. The primary hike was uneventful. I had pretty good gear that I had bought the day before with all my babysitting money. I had to convince myself that it was worth it over the car I was saving up to buy. In my backpack I had: a sleeping bag (made for as low as 0 degrees Celsius), 1 extra pair of socks, 1 pair of long underwear (top and bottom), a hat, bug repellent, sun screen, 11 cliff bars, a jar of peanut butter, a bag of bread, trail mix, 5 bananas, 5 apples, iodine tablets (to purify the water), a camping rule book (for I truly was a first timer), and Gatorade powder. Needless to say I had enough food and supplied to be sufficient for about five days. I could maybe work through a sixth or seventh but I would be working off the bare minimum. I thought that I would have enough for at least a week. I didn't know how long it would take to cross the ridge to get to my desired destination of Ventura. In fact, the only thing I knew about the ridge was that it existed. I thought I had everything under control as I hiked up towards the ridge. The truth was, I had lost control of the situation long before I had departed. As I said though, the first hike was relatively easy; long, but easy. When I arrived at the top of the ridge the sun was just about to sink into the ocean that I could now see. Unless you’re up as high as I was, you can’t see the ocean from Ojai because the mountains block it. Ojai is notorious for the moment that the sun sinks below them though. Even I think it is something special. It is fast so you have to watch steadily without blinking but the moment just before the sun disappears for the night produces a color unlike any other. It is a unique blend of orange, pink, red, and purple and it creates a mountainous silhouette. As I stood on the ridge watching the sun set now into the horizon of the ocean as opposed to the mountains above Ojai I had a nostalgic moment. I remember thinking that maybe one day National Geographic will do an article on the sunsets of Ojai because, even though I hadn’t been very far from Ojai, I could have bet there is not a sunset anywhere in the world like the ones of Ojai. I found a pretty flat area on the ridge where I decided to set up camp. I didn’t have a tent because 1. I had no idea how to set one up and didn't intend on learning how and 2. I didn't want to carry it all the way to what I though was Ventura. I just had a sleeping pad and a sleeping bag. I had been taught how to make a fire in eighth grade in a class called “survival skills.” The knowledge that I had so dearly taken to heart in that class was now very foggy. To tell you the truth, I had not even a vague idea of how to make a “survival skills” fire because of I don't remember one moment in that class in which I actually listened. I resorted to my camping rule book titled, // Camping: A-Z //. I had bought it at the used book store in town. It was between that and // Camping for Dumbies //. Although an incredibly difficult choice, I ended with // Camping: A-Z // because I had recognized // Camping for Dumbies //. My mother had a similar looking book part of the "For Dummies" series but hers was for cooking and I really think that, instead of making her cooking better, it just exhibited that she was a lost cause. I am going to stop here and explain something just so you guys don't get the wrong idea: I love my parents very much. And I most definitely didn't run away from them. Compared to most in the world, I'd say I lucked out with my family. I mean, there are so pretty bad families out there. Like, every year for my annual doctor's appointment I am asked by my doctor, who, after eight years of loyal service, I have deemed as a pretentious person and therefore a terrible pediatrition, takes me into this tiny room with little kid drawings and 2007 christmas cards covering the wall and basically interogates me. She must have failed whatever training she received in patient-doctor interraction because she wips out her little writing pad, takes a deep breath in stares and me. "Summer, have does your dad own a gun?" "no." but he does own a bow and arrow that he got and was really into for a whole month before he put it in the basement like his many other toys. "does he chase you around the house with a knife?" "no." "have you every been raped." "uh. no." that one ceases to surprise me. A) I would have most likely told someone, specifically the police, if I had, in fact, been raped and B) If I had and had yet to tell anyone what would make her think that in this sort of environment, with her feverishly writing down way more than my responses, I would confess and break down in front of the Doctor from Hell. Nevertheless, those meetings with Doctor Snieder always reminded me that I am in that way lucky to live in a family where I am neither chased around with a knife or raped. That was a somewhat morbid clarification but a necessary one nonetheless. I also think I should take this opportunity to introduce myself, which I have yet to do. My name is Riley Williams. I am not going to describe what I look like because that is irrelevant. Even if you say you don't judge off of looks. You do. I do. We all do. So therefore make me look like anything you want, but more specifically, make me someone that fits with all I am telling you. And I think, as of now, that's all you need to know about me. We did, after all, just meetmeet. After staring wistfully into the horizon as the sun sank below the, from where I was standing, calm-looking ocean I opened // Camping: A-Z // opened directly to a chapter titled, "How to snotrocket". Below was a small illustration of a cartoon character snot-rocketing. I flipped through the pages until I found the chapter addressing good fire building, They were going to teach me what they called the tipee method in which you needed a combination of both small twigs and large logs and thus I found it necesary for me to scour. I had chosen both the worst and best time of the year to embark on such an adventure. The rainy month had just past and, as opposed to the fall when it was nearly 100 degress and desert dry every day, the air had a perfect moisture to it. The pepper trees were in full bloom and there was a wonderful sharpness that stimulated senses when you took the deep breath of air. It was the worst season because the monsters of Ojai had all just hatched. Black Widows, Rattlesnakes, and Poison Oak were everywhere. I couldn't see them, but I knew they were there, I could feel them watching me as I walked tentatively by. A couple years ago I went horseback riding with with this girl who own a couple of horses. I didn't actually like her because, to be honest, I didn't actaully like anyone; except for maybe Anderson. But I really wanted to ride her horses so I went with her. If you think that was mean of of me because i was basically using her, think of how mean it would have been if I had said no when I clearly had nothing better to do. That would have been mean. Well, I guess I ended up regretting my decision because she put me on this horse,Jerry, that literally got scared of anything. I thought I was going to die. She insisted that it was the best horse and she wouldn't give me the worst one (which I was accusing her of doing) and that Jerry would "take care of me." It was actually on the same trail, we just didn't go up as high as I was. We found these orange groves (along with the sunset Ojai is famous for its oranges as well) that had the sweetest oranges I had ever tasted. At that point Jerry had calmed down a little now that we had stopped moving and just kept eating one delicious orange after the next. Despite being on a psycho horse with a girl that I thought was somewhat annoying it was a beautiful moment having the perfectly balanced sweet and tart orange just drip down my chin and the sun beaming down on us in the seemingly secret orange orchard that only us knew about. Things took a turn for the worse on our way back. As we headed home, Jerry decided he no longer wanted to move. "Kick him with your heels," yelled Carrie who was now half way down the hill that I was still on the peek of "Well Carrie, that would be // a lot // easier if he wasn't // jumping //!" I was starting to get snotty. "Ummm," Carrie didn't really know what to do because in reality I don't think she knew what was wrong, That's when I heard the infamous rattle that I had always been warned about. I didn't even see the snake before Jerry pivoted on his back legs and galloped up the hill. After Jerry deemed it safe to slow down to an uncomfortably fast trot, I patted him. Despite him being insane, I respected Jerry after that point. That was my only close encounter to "death by rattlesnake". I was not ready for it to happen again. So at this point you see me, alone, searching for sticks, in the wild, with really not // that // much food. You might already be getting bored but I want to encourage you not to stop reading yet. I admit, at this point it would be hard to tell where the story is going. But keep in mind, this is the story that I am claiming changed my life so there has be something there, right? As I searched for twigs, wood, and other resources that would make for a good fire a rock maybe a little bigger than a baseball fell from the air. "what the...?" I asked myself. I looked up. I was surrounded by massive pepper trees in full bloom. Their smell was, as I said, pungent. I the branches to see where the rock might have come from. "Hey!' Someone, in a tree, was calling to me. At first, like any reasonable person should be, I was petrified. I looked up and was seeing this naked woman in the trees. When she called my name I first screamed and then asked her what she was doing up there. I can't remember what she said but when she descended the tree we addressed her nudity.  "Hello," she said to me as she closed her eyes and smiled. It was hard to believe that this seemingly peaceful woman had just thrown a rock and me. "They call me Jen, Earth-Friend-Jen."  I was no longer scared. I knew this woman. It was // The // Earth-Friend-Jen. She was practically famous in Ojai. Her appearances were not frequent; maybe once every two months or so and sometimes she would be gone for much longer. But basically this chick had a bicycle which, at that moment, I was wondering of its whereabouts, and rode around town but naked on it. You'd think that's illegal right? Here's the catch. She doesn't actually ride around naked. She has these weird nude colored nipple caps and this hemp thong that apparently makes it completely legal. The only reason why I know this is because this snotty, narcisistic woman, Ms. Henderson, decided to make a big commotion about Earth-Friend-Jen claiming her nudity to be "far too inappropriate for her tender eyes to handle," I believe those were the exact words she used. When she said this I wondered how, if she couldn't handle Jen's beautiful bod (it was pretty nice; tan and skinny), how she got dressed in the morning. Perhaps she is a never-nude? Nevertheless, Earth-Friend-Jen was sent to court for public nudity and during the trial she, now skimpily dressed, addressed the judge with this monologue: "I am innocent of public nudity. I am simply mother nature's child and choose not to be ashamed of it. I never go out in public without my pasties or my hemp thong. People think I am naked because the hemp thong looks like my bush and the pasties are skin colored." It was unclear what happened next. Everyone in town seems to have a different story. I think the most conclusive one is that the Judge simply didn't know what to do with Jen so he let her go. She never went to jail or got punished because as she said, she's not actually naked, the hemp thong just // looks // like her "bush." "Hello," I said as I put my hands together and bent forward like it was a religious greeting. "They call me Riley, Big-Riley." "How nice to meet you Big Riley." She clearly was not perceptive of my mockery so my new approach to express my anger was more hostile. "Why did you throw a rock at me?" I asked aggressively. "Sorry," she replied, "I thought you were someone dangerous; one of the lonely spirits that roams around here sometimes." "Jen, what does that even mean?" "Honey, you would be surprised by how many people escape into these mountains. Nature has that gift you see, of being something that anyone can turn to for help. Sometimes they are bad people, you see; searching for something and then when they find me, they think they have found what they are looking for. I have to run and... well it's not important. What are you searching for, Riley?" Closer up she looked a lot older than I thought she did from far away. I always thought she was in her twenties but now it was hard to tell. Her skin was almost leathery and freckled from days in these mountains and, especially around the eyes, there were deep creases from what appeared to be a lifetime of emotion. "Adventure," I said, surprised by my own honesty, "I guess I was sick of Ojai. I was sick of never going anywhere else and I wanted to do something else." As I said this she stared into the pink sky as if seriously contemplating every word I said. She then looked at me and sighed, "Honeybee, I have traveled, I have been on adventures and I gotta tell you, there's no place more beautiful and more special than right here... If I didn't really think that, do you think I would be here?" For that moment I actually believed every word she said. I had never seen anything so beautiful than the rolling green and brown mountains, the pink sky behind them, and the vast ocean that reached out to the horizon. "I don't doubt it," I mumbled, "but shouldn't I figure that out on my own. Shouldn't I be the one to discover that instead of being complacent with something that I have always had?" Jen now looked very concerned. There was a little crease between her two eyebrows. "Yes, yes," she said, "you // should // discover that on your own. You are right. Good luck, my friend, hopefully we will meet again and at that point will agree on this gift nature has given us." As she said this she spread her arms, circled as if embracing the sky, and smiled. I couldn't help but envy her. She was so beautiful, so strong, and not only sure of herself but sure of the world too. She began to walk away. "Stop!" I yelled, "Could you help me?" "Help you do what?" "... I don't know. I mean honestly I don't know what I am doing right now. I have this stupid camping book that tells me how to shoot snot rockets and that's basically my only guide. I just-- you seem like you know so much and... I don't know..." She smiled and looked up, " Honey, if I come with you, your plans are gonna have to change, okay? You want adventure but you don't know what you're looking for. I can tell you one thing is for sure, Ventura is not where you're gonna find it." At this point you must be at least somewhat interested in what would happen next. I hope you are visualizing this as all good readers do: Me pleading to infamous Jen, who was naked, to help me. To tell you the truth, at that point I honestly thought that if she didn't help then I would have no choice but to turn around and return to Ojai. I would've had to make up some excuse to my parents about how I got a little lost and that was why I was arriving home so late. I would have gone to bed that night feeling unaccomplished with even less of a prospect than I did before I had decided to go on this whole adventure thing. But that didn't happen. What // did // happen is that Jen and I went back down through to Ojai via a route much steeper but much quicker than my original ascending route. When we got down to town, where, note, // everyone // could see us, I wasn't really sure what I should do. She told me that If I wanted her help I was gonna have to stick with her; a completely reasonable request. At first I was embarrassed and then I checked myself: who was a worried about judging me for being with Earth Friend Jen. The first thing she told me to do was drop all of my stuff back at my house and to return with only three things: a pen, a pocket size notebook, and some money. After I dealt with the parents who were satisfied with, "I'm sleeping over at a [nameless] friend's house" and returned with the pen, notebook, and money we got on the next bus to LA. The bus ride was only an hour or so long. When we sat down Jen asked me to take out my notebook. She told me to write down something that scared me. I sat and thought for a really long time about how I would answer this question. Wasn't I running away (although that is not a very appropriate term to use in this situation)-- wasn't I "adventure seeking" because nothing in my pathetic town gave me any emotion. But that thought was interrupted by the memory of Jerry and the rattle snake and even earlier that day when I felt like I was being watched by the "Monsters of Ojai." I titled the first page // The Monsters of Ojai...Things that Scare Me: // and began listing things off one after another: 1. Rattle Snakes 2. Black Widows 3. Mr. Lowe-- A sex offender who lives in Ojai. He was one of those guys who, when he moved here, had to go to town hall and introduced himself by saying, "Hi, my name is George Lowe and I am a sex offender." 4. Forest Fires-- especially during October when you can look to the mountains in the east and see them raging 5. Piedra Blanca-- a rock massive rock where you can hike to and on Halloween it is said that you can hear the ghost that roam it holler with pain (for a reason I don't know) 6. Jerry-- even though he saved me from the rattle snake I will never ride Jerry again 7. and the last one I could come up with in that moment was Skylar Dean, who deserves more than just a line of explanation in this story. Skylar moved form Boston, Massachusetts to Ojai in the middle of eighth grade. He was pale to us, but that might have been due to all of us being unusually tan in the middle of Febuary because we lived in a place with 99% sunshine. He had on black jeans that were tighter than any Ojai boy's jeans were and a neon green and black t-shirt. He had in one small, hoop earring but probably the most athstetically strange part of him was the fact that he had no arm. When the first person asked him what happen he said that he got attacked by a "really narly shark." I was in awe over this. But then as the day went on, people who hadn't heard about the shark attack asked him what happened and the story kept changing. In math class it was a car accident in which both of his parents died. At lunch it was an infection that resulted in an amputation. Finally at the end of the day he said that he was attacked by a bear when he went hiking in New Hampshire. I was interested in why he kept lying about what happened. He was so open and comfortable with his lack o' limb. He would take of the prosthetic arm and show it to people, let people play with it and yet he never told people the same story about what happen. I wondered what he was hiding, what he was possibly ashamed about. On Thursday I followed him home. Now, you may think this is creepy, but //I// thought it was creepy that he was lying to the whole school about what happened to his arm. That was my justification. I didn't get very far before he stopped, turned around, and said, "I know that you're following me" and before I had time to respond he turned back around and continued walking. I stopped for a moment. Shocked by what a terrible spy I was. I thought I was being so discrete. I would later learn, though, that Skylar was a very perceptive boy. "Well, Why do you keep lying?" I screamed back at him. "Why do you care?" He continued walking but I ran to catch up with him. Why the hell did I care? That was such a good question. It was then that I realized that I might possibly be attracted to Skylar. But in that moment I lied to him. "I just don't want you lying to my friends." My dear friends of Ojai. That was probably the biggest part of the lie because, as I have said earlier, I hated the majority of people in Ojai. Basically the conversation went back and forth between between right and wrong. By the end of it, we no longer cared about whether he was lying about his arm or not. The debate had turned into a much deeper one regarding morals and trust. We walked all the way to Sunset Parkway, about three miles away from my house. We then sat in Libby park, a place known for the drugs and hippies, and watched Ojai's infamous sunset. He said it was really nice to meet me a smiled when he said my name, Riley. I left with a warm feeling in my stomach. Like it was filled with honey that had been in the microwave for 10 seconds. It was a good feeling. We were nearly inseparable for a year and then, come high school, things changed. We drifted apart and it was one of those weird feelings where you hated someone but you couldn't stand to see them leave. I loved Skylar but I hated him for not wanting to be with me anymore. Things ended slowly and painfully, the worst way to die. That's what it felt like, death. I know you probably think I am being an overly dramatic teenager and at that time I was, indeed, a freshman, but believe me, it was hard. "He should have probably been first on the list if we were going in sequential order," I told Jen as I finished up the same story I just told you. "Well, everyone needs their heart broken every once in a while." She paused and made that distant face that I had last seen up in the mountains. "It's hard," she continued, "I would know. But it shapes you. I wouldn't be the person I am today without the people who had broken my heart." I asked he what her story was and she said that, "it was all a matter of what you choose to love." "Like sexual orientation?" "Kind of," she said, "but more so what you choose to devote your life to. I used to want to be in love with a man. Like a fairytale, you know? But he broke my heart and it ended and I decided that you just couldn't rely on men to be something you could pour everything you had into. For a while I was lost. I had dropped out of school early in my senior year. I was jobless and homeless but after a while, i began to find beauty in my situation. It took having absolutely nothing to realize that I had more than something. All human's are given this beautiful gift of nature but few choose to take advantage of it. I guess you could say that I fell in love with the pepper trees, the water holes, the wild mustangs, the cloudless blue sky, the warm rain, the clay dirt... everything. They would always be there, as long as human didn't get in the way in an attempt to find more in what is already in its most beautiful state. I wanted to devote my life to living in harmony with it. Do you understand what I am saying?" I was still hung up on the sexuality part of it all. "So you can't fall in love with people anymore?" "There's no need suga'. Everything I need was given to me at birth." I stared at her quizically. She was really an unusual woman. "How old are you?" I asked "Forty-two," she said, "and feelin' like I'm twenty." I couldn't believe it. I was talking to this forty-two-year-old woman, who, up until now I thought was no older than thirty, as if she were an equal. She was so bizarre. "How do you look so young?" I asked in awe. "If you give to mother, she returns the favor." I assumed "mother" was nature but with Jen, there was so much unknown that it was hard to tell what she was ever talking about.

Chapter 2: When we got off the bus Jen was walking with confidence around the streets of LA. She had put on a baggy t-shirt and when I asked her why she responded, "LA is nothing like Ojai." "Jen, where are we going?" "1674 Baxter Street." "Okay. What does that mean?" "Questions! Questions! Questions! Aren't you looking for adventure, my dear?" "Yes?" "Well part of adventure is not knowing what comes next and just waiting for the mystery to arrive." After walking for an hour we arrived in what Jen described as a party house. At first I was slightly nervous that it was a brothel. We walked into a room that was so smokey with marijauna that I could only see things that we five feet in front of me. appeared to be a nudist colony living under a roof in an LA ghetto. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be feeling. To tell you the truth, I was pretty scared. There were all these naked people brushing buy me. Their limp genitals were everywhere I looked. I though maybe being there should provoke some sort of sensation of satisfaction. Wasn't I supposed to be happy that I had finally broken through the walls of normalcy by being in a place that some would describe a shit hole, others as a hellhole, and other people, specifically the ones living there, as a heavenly haven. "Now I bet this is a scene you have never experienced before" "Yep, Jen. I can honestly say that I have never been to a place like this before. Is this where we'll be sleeping?" "We can sleep wherever we want! Do you want to sleep here?" "What are the other options?" "We make our options." I interpreted that it was either this or the sidewalk but before I had time to respond a naked man had approached and was now hugging Jen. "Cam! Oh how I have missed you, brother!" When they began making out I realized that "brother" was hopefully a just a saying and not an actuality. When they finished doing... what they were doing they began speaking. "How have you been feeling?" asked Cam. "Alright," replied Jen, "the head pain does not come as much with the new season and fresh orange blossoms." "Ahh yes that would make sense. Has mother said anything strange to you lately?" "She told me I must help someone to help myself." "Interesting. And have you been?" "Yes, I have been helping Riley." "Who is Riley? Jenna, I told you, you don't have to do everything that mother says. That is the way you will overcome this." There wispering proved to be completely useless because it was the loudest wisper anyone could hear. I was maybe seven feet away from them and could hear the mysterious conversation perfectly. I wasn't so sure to interpret it. Were the actually brother and sister because it sounded like they had a mutual mother? That would have firstly been disgusting but also it wouldn't have made much sense because Jen had told me earlier in the bus ride that she no longer spoke with any member of her family. "She is a nice girl. She found me above Topa Topa and asked me for her help. I didn't just do it because mother told me so. I did it because she needed me. I could see it in her eyes." "What is wrong with the girl?" Before I let Jen begin describing what was "wrong" with //me,// because I personally interpreted it as a fault of societies and didn't want their to be any confusion, I interrupted Cam and Jen's conversation. "Riley!" Jen looked almost surprised to see me which was weird because she did take me here. "Cam, this is Riley" "Riley," He took my hand and flipped it so that my palm was facing up. He inspected it carefully and when he was finished he looked and me and said that whatever I was looking for, I would find, which was ironic because in that moment I felt like I had found all the adventure that I needed and didn't necessarily want anymore. He then looked deeply into my eyes and said, "it is very nice to meet you." I didn't really know how to interpret this. Like just five seconds before he was telling Jen that she shouldn't have brought me. "What is this place? Who are you?" I decided to be very blunt because I honestly didn't think I was ever going to see this man again. "We are in the east side of LA. Most would say this area is a bad place to be... Murder, rape, all that jazz is not uncommon here. But it is also a unique place of culture. People who can't afford to be like everyone else move here. That's what makes it so special..." "But--but why is everyone //naked//?" "Oh, well this house is called the Ramada. People specifically come here for escape from society," I looked at Jen when Cam said this: exactly like me. "People who don't want to conform to their family or their school or anything come here for escape. It is a safe zone. People can do whatever they want here and not be afraid of cruel judgment or danger." In that moment I realized that Jen had listened to almost every word I had said. I, on the other hand, had not. I realized that this was the epidomy of the place I had been describing earlier but the truth was, I didn't want to be here at all. After Cam walked away I leaned into Jen, "Jen, do we have to sleep here?" "Why, suga'? Do you not like it?" "No, no I do I just--Uh, well... No, it kind of creeps me out to be honest." "Ah, a young girl seeking adventure doesn't know what she had gotten herself into." "I do! //We// just have different interpretations of adventure!" "Okay. Okay, I think I can maybe find something that you may want to do," she looked around the room, "Cam! Baby, we're leaving!" Cam looked at her with disbelief, "What? Why? When will I see you again?" Jen smiled, "I don't know, we are girls on an adventure. Bye!" Jen took my arm and we were gone. ~ This part of the story may surprise you, because it surprised me. What Jen did next I wasn't expecting and it seemed like her dual personality thing first came out in this moment. "Where are we going?" I asked. "To the Beach Tiger." I was confused and thought maybe that was the name of one of her hippie friends, "Who is the beach tiger?" "Ohhh honey, the beach tiger isn't a person, it's a place." Jen's voice, though already raspy, was particularly sinister when she said this. I had already felt like she thought I was a wimp for not wanting to stay at that nudist home for the night so I didn't respond, thinking that was the safest way to conceal any emotions of doubt or fear that I had. I am not going to go into super detail of what went down that evening at the Beach Tiger but suffice to say, as the teens put it in Ojai, //shit// went down. To explain what the Beach Tiger is, because Jen clearly didn't, it is a club that coincidentally rests right on the beach. I don't know what you imagine when you hear "club" but the stereotype I had created was people--mid-twenties, dirty dancing, flashing, colorful lights, modern, funky looking drinks, etc. But there is also a "ghetto" club that I can imagine as well: it is slightly darker, the lights are still flashing but they are are just normal white lights, there is only beer, and I also see a not everyone dancing but everyone in a circle surround two groups that are having a "crump off." The reason I am telling all this to you is because I want to clarify that the Beach Tiger was neither of those things, in fact, I don't think in your wildest dreams would you associate the word "club" with the scene going on at the Beach Tiger. It was insane. People were making drinks out of the various cactuses around the room (the main ingredient was vodka), everyone, I mean //everyone,// was smoking some sort of drug, the type of dancing is not something that I would describe as "dirty". Maybe I will deem it "sexy interpretive dance". It looked like this: two people facing each other, staring at each other and not breaking their gaze with a mere blink while the rest of their body was flailing in every directing and position possible. Now, you make ask, why I called this "sexy" and that is the weird part. I felt almost as though I had never felt a connection so strong than that of the two people dancing. Their connection radiated out to observers, it //was// sexy. The last thing I am going to tell you about this place which I think is the symbolic "cherry on top" for how weird it is that the Beach Tiger didn't get its name out of a hat. There was a legitimate tiger walking around the dance floor as people "danced". "Jen! What the...?! Do you see //that//?!" "The tiger? Yes? Don't worry, it is tamed but let me ask you this: why can't we party with animals?" "Uhhh cause they'll //eat// us!" She chuckled at this and winked at me. "Have fun my darling," she said as she walked away. For the first couple hours I sat on one of the tree trunks in the club that served as a stool. I sat there waiting for Jen, hoping that she would be ready soon. I felt like I did when I was kid and may parents would also be the last ones to leave a cocktail party and I would just sit there and wait for them the entire night. Around one in the morning I decided that I was wasting this adventure away and should take advantage of my position in the Beach Tiger and that I was going to find Jen. I found her on dancing on a table while people were chanting her name. It was //quite// a funny scene. "Riiiiiiiley!" She screamed my name when she saw me below her. She hopped off the table and grabbed my hand. "Guys, this is my friend Riley!" I unison five or six people all said at the same time, "Hi Riley." "Have you had anything yet? Do you want some cactus?" "Umm sure." "Okay let's get this girl some cactus!" Jen screamed. After the first cactus shot the rest of the even had become a strange blurr. I remember dancing. I remember some faced but they go in and out in memory when I think too hard. I remember smells and tastes but nothing is in sequential order.

Chapter 3: For the first time ever I woke up without any knowledge of where I was or how I got there. My brain felt like it was throbbing. I literally felt like i could feel it pounding against my skull. My mouth was dry and the thought of any type of food sent my stomach on a rampage. I took a look around. I was on a beach. Jen was under a blanket which was strange because she never had one before. The sun was slowing rising and the classic go-getters of the world were out on what I was assuming there five o'clock jog. Jen lay there peacefully on the ground in a deep, dreamy sleep. For the first time I felt like I was seeing a part of Jen that I had never experienced before, a vulnerable part. With all the silence I was able to finally get a good look at her. It was weird, at that moment I thought that maybe she used her constant blabber, serious or not, as somewhat of a shield. Her confusing metaphors and larger words, which for the most part I am sure she made up, protected her from any criticism or doubt because the majority of the time no one had any idea what she was talking about. Her body moved up and down with even, deep breaths. I didn't really feel like waking her up. Last time I did so she opened her eyes really quickly and she immediately told me about this bizarre dream she was having. "I was in Switzerland and I was trying to get money out of this ATM machine and every time I did so the ATM would spit at me and say, 'fuck you!' It's symbolic," she would say, "ATM's represents money and money is destroying the nature of the human being." "Okay, Jen," I would say. I struggled to stand up and staggered to the nearest water fountain. Water never tasted so good. It tasted almost sweet. Every time I swallowed I craved more. I probably looked like an insane homeless person slurpin' down that delicious water for those five minutes. I don't know what sort of hangover I was experiencing because up until now I had never had one before. I wondered what my eyes looked like. Or how messed up my hair was? Or if I had any bruises. That's when something I would have never in my //wildest// dreams expected to happen. "Riley?" It was a man. I could tell by the voice. His voice was deep and almost raspy but like a sexy kind of raspy. I didn't want to know who it was. I didn't want anyone who I legitimately knew from home to see me, Riley William, a teenage runway from Ojai, California, hungover on the beach at 5 in the morning. //This is it. People will know of my failure. I am merely in L.A., an admittedly crazy city, but one not far away from home. People will think they have figured me out. I will fall into that classic cliche. They will think I was a wild child wanting to party. Shit.// I slowly looked up. "Oh. Gosh. Hey, Skylar. What are you doing here?" "I am up for the weekend staying with a old friend." He looked good. Really good; Especially in this setting: on the beach while the sun was rising. I was still mystified though, what was he doing on the beach so early. He was not in running clothes. In fact he looked like he was in clothes from the night before. "Cool. But what are you doing here on the beach at five in the morning?" "Craaaazy night," he said. It sounded like he was about to start bragging about it--a classic Ojai move, to try to put yourself above everyone else to make your boring, miserable life appear to be much greater than it really is. "My friends and I went to Universal Studios and some idiot planted a stink that went off in the guy's room. Since I was using the restroom at the time I was interrogated like the whole night. I just got out of custody." "Where are your friends?" "Oh, ha, when they found out they thought it was hilarious. I think they stayed at Universal until it closed and now they are probably back at Dan's house." "Wow. Some friends." I wasn't really sure what to say, that's why I was barely saying anything. I mean, think about it. Here I was talking to this boy who basically broke my heart and hasn't given be a mere glance until now. What was I supposed to do? Act totally casual. Play it off as if the past two years didn't count. "Ha, yeah I guess I should be pretty pissed. But it's whatever, they are those kind a guys, you know. You look like shit. Do you want to get breakfast with me. I was trying to find like a cafe or something on the break... Or maybe just an open Dunkin' Donuts." "Sky, how many times do I have to tell you, they don't have Dunkin' Donuts in California!" "Haha yeah, that's right! I totally forgot about how we used to always fight about that. I refuse to believe you. There must be one!" Skylar used to describe Boston to me. He told me about how cold it got and how when he walked to school in January he would alway slip on ice but in a way the snow was like a blessing in disguise because he basically never had one full week of school all winter because of the blizzards. He told me how every morning he would get a "Dunkies". When I asked what that was he stared at me, shocked. He was so dismayed that I didn't know what it was and I told him that it wasn't my fault because they didn't have them in California. He refused to believe me because I guess in Massachusetts they have like one every block. "Oh god. You'll never find one!" "Come search with me?" "I... I probably shouldn't." "Come on Ri, it will be fun." I couldn't believe this boy. He knew exactly what he was doing, just like he knew what he was doing two years ago when he stopped speaking to me. He was killing me. I wanted to go with him so badly but my survival skills were telling me, "no." "Seriously, Skylar? You're really doing this right now. You are really going to pretend like the past two years where you have basically seemed to take of vow of silence towards me have meant nothing. I mean you broke my heart. Did you know that?" "Ri, I am sorry. I didn't know you though of me like that." "That's not the point. Whether I liked you as a friend or more than that is irrelevant. You were my //best// friend. I trusted you. You were my escape from the society that I hated and--" "That's what I hated, Ri. I wish you had liked me for who I was and not for what I was. After spending so much time with you I felt like became more of an object to you, something that you needed, rather than a person, a friend. I hated being a necessity." "You could have said something. You didn't just have to leave with nothing to say." "I'm sorry about that. Okay? I really am. I didn't know how to handle the situation because, well, the truth is that I loved you and I thought that if maybe I had said so, if if I had explained what I was feeling, //you// would have left //me,// not the other way around." I am typically not a crier. My dad always used to say a somewhat sexist comment but one that I guess I liked, "my girl has a boy's threshold for pain." But know I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and my face slowing turning a rosey red. I hated it. I hated showing him that what he did still affects me. "... Come on, Ri. Don't cry. Come to breakfast with me. It will be fun. What do you have holding you back anyway." "Well there's the idea of letting my guard down that is somewhat currently unappealing but a more realistic reason is that Jen is still sleeping and I don't want her to think that I bounced for good with out saying goodbye." "Jen who?" I had forgotten that he would know who Jen was. I knew that anyone else would judged me and would have asked me why the hell was I in LA with Earth Friend Jen. But I wasn't completely sure what Skylar's reaction would be so I decided to test him. I confidently responded, "Earth Friend Jen. You know, the hipping who rides around town naked?" "Oh! Yeah I know exactly who you are talking about! That's awesome that you're friends with her. I had no idea. Is that her?" He passed. I looked over at Jen. You couldn't really make out that she was a person from where we were standing. Maybe her head was perceivable but she mostly looked like a pile of laundry. "Yeah," I said, "that's Jen." "Do you think she would want to come? Ask her to come?" "I can ask. But Sky, she is legitimately insane. If you don't understand something she is saying, that's understandable, I barely ever know what she is talking about." "Didn't you used to always say the stranger the better?" I did use to always say that. Sky and I used have a ritual on every Friday night after school we would go get Gellato at Regina's Gellato. It was delicious gellato but occasionally they would have these really uncommon and strange flavors like rose or another one was lavender. Skylar would always so something liked, "who would ever get a flavor like //lavender?"// and then I would tell him //he// would get a flavor like lavender and make him get it. It wasn't a cliche. They sometimes tasted like shit and we would have to through it out and resort to something else but occasionally they tasted just //really// good. When this did happen, Sky and I would look at each other and say in unison, "the weird ones are the good ones." "I did use to always say that. About Ice cream." "Whatever. We both knew it was a metaphor for like. Come on, I'll wake her up with you." When Jen woke up she stared at Riley for a while then she looked at me. "Jen, this is--" "Sklar," she finished my sentence for me. "I can tell by the way you look at him." Skylar looked at me, "How does she know my name? Did you tell her about me?" Jen began speaking before I could respond, "the truth is, dear, that one of the first things I ever asked Riley to do was to make a list of the things that scared her the most. You were in fact number one, right Riley?" Jen was particularly hostile and I really couldn't understand why. I knew her to be honest. She said what she was feeling what she knew. She once told me that she only kept promises to nature and that when the wind carried the secrets of the trees to her ears they asked her not to tell and she promised she wouldn't. "Well... Yeah that is true," I said glaring at Jen and then looking sympathetically back at Skylar who at that point must have felt sufficiently awkward. Although we had just seemingly talked about it, Skylar seemed crush, "I'm sorry, Ri," he said as he looked down at the sand. I to his hand and squeezed it, "it's fine, I forgive you." At this Jen bolted out from underneath the mysterious blanket. "Oh mama I knew this was coming, I could feel it," she said. "... Jen, what are you talking about?" "Mother told me someone was coming. Someone bad." "Ouch," Skylar mumbled. "Jen, he apologized. That's enough for me." "Riley!" She was getting really angry and clenched her teeth as she spoke. I had never seen her this //unsettled// before, "'sorry is enough'? When have words ever been enough?" "His explanation was! What is going on? I though you embraced everything you met? I don't understand." "She told me he was coming!" Jen screamed. She then began moaning and she melted to the ground seemingly unable to support herself any longer. Her body jolted as she cried. Skylar looked at me, "Is this what you were talking about? Is this what you have been dealing with?" "No," I said, "this is far, far worse." Jen continued to sob. I walked over to her and at first was tentative to touch her. I let my hand float above her back before I let it fall and began trying to soothe her with my touch. "Shhh. It's okay." I said trying to sound relaxed. I felt like a mother calming her baby. The next line was something like "mama's here now" but the truth was Jen was a 42 year old woman and I was a 16 year old girl and there was something wrong with this situation. "I'm--I'm sorry," she began saying trying to fit words into her sparartic, short breath. "I--I do not know what just came over me. I am sorry, Riley." "It's fine Jen. Don't worry, it's fine. Skylar was just inviting us to breakfast. Are you hungry?" I was still maintaing that motherly voice that clearly was working on Jen. She lifted her head from where she had burried it in her arms, "I am so sorry my dear Skylar. That was a strange moment and unlike me. Can we start over?" "Of course. I am sorry we awoke you so abruptly." On the way to breakfast I couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened. Jen was, of course, talking incessantly about some sort of animal that she claimed to be her spirit animal. Skylar was listening intently and I was smiling but couldn't wrap my head around Jen's freak out. She was almost possessed; that's honestly what it looked like. I tried to remember any other incidences like the one had just happened. None. Up until now she just seemed like a genuinely kooky hippie, nothing more nothing less. She had spoken about "mother" before and I never had fully understood who mother was but I had always just assumed it was Mother Nature or her God. Then I remembered those weird things that that guy Cam was saying at the nudist house. "You don't alway have to do what Mother tells you to do." That's what he said right? Was Jen sick? Was she actually possessed by a devil that she referred to as "mother"? A cold chill came over me in that moment. It made sense, too. She was a high school drop out with a broken heart. And rides around a town basically //naked.// Shit.

Chapter 3: Skylar said that he had to go back to his friends house just so that they wouldn't call his mother saying that he was missing. When he left he looked at me and smiled. "You know," he said, "maybe when you decide to come back and stop being crazy we could hang out again." "Ha. Yeah that would be fun." "Sarcasm?" "No. It would be fun but we almost live in two different worlds now--" "You used to always say that when we were younger. 'We live it two different worlds, Sky, it's awesome!' Isn't that what you loved about me?" "... It's what I still do," I mumbled. "What?" "What I am trying to say now is that you live in Ojai and you love it. You love the people. I mean, for an Ojai person, you are kind of cool." "Why thank you, Riley" He was trying to flirt. Actually he was succeeding in flirting to be honest. "Are you going to come back like you promised Jen? Or did you just say that so she would stop?" When Skylar announced that he had to leave Jen burst into tears. She looked around as though she was no longer aware of where she was as thick tears slowly moved down her face. "But--but you can't go." "Jen, is everything okay?" I had asked. "No! He can't go!" She then fell down on her hands and knees and started wailing. She was ferociously throwing dirt around her and she sobbed and screamed. Skylar got her to calm down by promising that he would come back. He looked at me, "I will come back," as he left he yelled back at me, "not for Jen though." In that moment I didn't even care if Jen had heard him. But something was funky was going on with Jen. I honestly though that she was possessed. I had to figure out what was going on with her and I thought the only way I could do that was to find Cam. "Hey Jen, how are you feeling?" She was laying on the ground looking emptily into the sky. She didn't respond. "Great. So I was wondering, since I am still searching for adventure and all I was hoping that we could go back to that place. You know, the nudist home?" Still no response. "The one where you hooked up with that Cam guy." "Cam?" That was the only response I had provoked from her. "Yeah. Can we go see him?" "Um. Yes. Now?" "Yeah." Getting to the nudist home was somewhat of a struggle. Jen had to be frequently reminded of where we were going and what we were doing. A sensation come over me that I had never felt before. I felt responsible for someone I loved. Yes, I realized that I loved Jen in a "thank you so much, I love you" way. Do you know what I mean? An almost, daughter to mother love. But now my mother had gone insane.I felt like I couldn't let anything happen to her. When we arrived at the nudist house shit was going down... to put it lightly. It was packed--packed with naked people smoking pot and drinking coconut juice with rum. I scanned the room for Cam. People had immediately latched onto Jen who now was comfortable with where she was and was no longer asking questions. I felt it suitable for me to leave her side and go on search for Cam. I made my way through each room. It was honestly one of the most disgusting thing I have ever had to do. I slid past the sweaty, naked, hairy bodies of each person until I found a door. I swung it open to find a sight I did not need to see. I don't think they were having sex but they were doing something sexual. I closed my eyes immediately and spoke very loud and very quickly. "Cam I am sorry to interrupt but something is wrong with Jen and I want to help her." "Who are you?" he said with the seemingly drunken woman still on top of him. "Uh my name is Riley. She told you earlier about the girl she was helping find adventure. That's me. But please, help. I think there is something very wrong." "Well of course there is." "What? Could you please come outside and talk to me I don't really want to look at this." "Oh. Yeah sure. No worries." "K great." He opened the door two minutes later with a pubic leaf covering his genitalia. "Hi," he said, "sorry about that." "No problem. Okay, what do you mean 'of course there is something wrong with Jen?" "Listen, here's the thing. Jen is great. She loves everything and everyone so much. And everyone loves her back. But she just has never seemed to understand. Do you know what I mean?" He paused and looked at me, waiting for me to nod. I did. "You see," he looked around him to indicate what he was talking about, "all of us--us hippies--come from different places. We all have had different lives. We come here to be freed from what was killing us. We all come because the life before this was killing us. But, you know, what kills some people is what makes others live. Jen used to understand that. She was something different when she came here. She said she was running away from a boy who had broken her heart. She told everyone that. We all realized that it was something different when she told us more and more stories about her family. She told us about her father who used to give her mother a beating. The interesting about her story is that her father never once touched her. According to Jen, he used to just tell her how much he hated her mother and how one day he would kill her. She told us that she didn't do nothing about this. She said that she had always wanted to stand up to him but she never did. She described herself as somewhat of her father's 'apprentice'. When she described her mother it was like she was describing a saint. A great kind of woman, you know? One that didn't deserve what God dealt to her. Jen didn't know what to do with the situation so it seemed that instead of fixing it, she simply left and came here. About a year into her living here she got a call from her her friend who said that her father had beaten her mother just as he had said he would do. Jen didn't speak or eat for a week. We all wondered what she expected would have happened; I mean he said that he was going to kill her, ya know? I guess she just didn't want to see it happen. Finally when she came out of her room, she started referring to this thing that was controlling her emotions as 'mom'. Anytime she did something strange she would say, 'mom told me to do so'. We all just kind of let it happen. I mean we are not a judgmental crew. We still love Jen but now she is just a bit loopy is all. One day she'll do something real fucked up though and that's when she'll realize that she's gotta quit the game." "What do you mean, the //game?"// "Like she does this weird shit like keying cop cars. Who knows how she gets away with it. One day she brought home this dead cat from the street. Holding it by the tail and all. She cooked it in the oven and ate it. When we asked he why she told us that 'mother told her to do it.' One day we came into her room and it had some five seagulls in it. They were poopin' all over the place. We asked her how she got them all in there and she said that Mother helped her. And now she has brought you to LA. I mean, honey, what are you looking for? Adventure? Listen, all teenagers are looking for adventure. You think you're the only one? I am going to tell it to you straight. Go home. Go to school. You don't know what you want now. This may be it in years to come but honey, be honest with yourself: what are you doing right now? Traveling with a woman in LA, an hour away from home who herself doesn't know what she's doing." "But--I--" "Stop. One day Jen is going to get in trouble for something and I just don't want to see a young folk like you get dragged into it. I gotta go. The ladies are waiting. But seriously. Get out of here."

He left me in a moment of realization. I wasn't special being in LA traveling with Jen. I was simply stupid. That was that. You know how I told you in the beginning of this story that it wasn't a soul searching one. Well it was. It just turned into something kind of different in the end of it all. I couldn't decide what to do. I had no money because Jen told me to make sure not to bring any because she said "when you don't have what you want you discover something much better." I had foolishly gone along with that. I figured my only reliable resource at that point who would maybe understand my predicament was Skylar. I somehow found a phone in that house. This is slightly embarassing but I need to give some explanation of how I had his number: I still had it memorized from two years ago. I wasn't sure whether it was going to be the same number but I remember feeling that wave of relief when I heard his soft voice. "Hello?" "Hey! Sky! It's Riley." "Hey! What's up?" "Uh well I have some bad news and I am not really sure how to say this but Jen is insane." "Yeah, Ri, we all knew that. Did you just figure that out?" "Well.. No, but I mean //actually// insane. She has this dark past and is essentially possessed." "What?" "That was why she freaked out this morning. And all that stuff about "mother" well Mother is her dead mom who she could have saved but didn't and now she is haunted and believes that mother regularly tells her what to do. I am one of those things that mother told her to do. I honestly would have never guessed that this is what was going on but I need a way out. I have no money and no way to get back to Ojai?" "Oh well look at you, suddenly you want to go //back// to Ojai?" "Yes, Skylar! You don't understand what is going on right now. I am in this house with a bunch of naked, high, and or drunk people. I am basically under the care of Jen who I just found out is insane and can't really take care of herself. And I am finally realizing that this whole plan was a complete fucking failure and I just want to go home!" "Haha okay Ri, I can come and get you. I am headed back to Ojai tomorrow so you are going to have to sleep over at my friend's house with me, okay? What's the address?" "1823 Sunset Drive." "Okay, cool. I'll be right there... Wait, so what are you going to do about Jen? Are you just going to leave?" I took in a deep breath. How the heck was a going to do this anyway? It was a serious question. Was Jen crazy enough not to notice my absence? No. There was something about her. We had this connection. It was more than just a mentally ill person with fogged-overed eyes helping a naive teenager. I really trusted her. For the first time in a while I had become honest with someone and thus myself. That whole activity she had me do in the beginning, the one about what scared me the most. That was real. Even if she was crazy, she was still a genious and I still kind of loved her for who I thought she was. I had to say goodbye, at least to the Jen who I had met in the mountains. "I am going to calmly and carefully tell her that I have to go," I replied. "And then what? I had done the same thing and she flipped." "Skylar, to be honest I don't really want to leave Jen like the way she was earlier." "Okay, that's great Ri, but I don't think you really have an option." "I will simply tell her that I am going to the bathroom."

Chapter 4: Telling Jen was tough. I didn't lie to her because she already knew what I meant when I said I was going. She looked at me and began to cry. Not in the insane, "Mother said you couldn't go cry" but in the more old-Jen kind of way. I told her that I needed to go back to school, that when I asked her to do all that she had done, I didn't really consider the consequences as well as I should have. "I understand, Riley. I really do. When I was young, I was just as foolish as you were. I made some big mistakes. But I wasn't as smart as you and didn't fix them before they became ingrained in me forever." When she said this I couldn't help thinking that she was talking about her mistake of never returning to help her mother from her crazy father. "Are you going to return to Ojai later on?" "Maybe. Maybe not. I plan to go where the wind takes me if you understand what I am saying" "I hope I seer you again. Please come back." "Riley, to be honest, I really cannot promise anything. I am a free soul and no matter how much I wish I could commit or I wish I could stay with one person forever, I can't. It's just the way I am now." "I understand." She took my hand and pulled me into a hug, as she did so, she wispered into my ear, "Now Riley, I just have one more piece of advice so listen close: that Skylar is a good boy. Keep him close to you in any way that you can. Don't ever let him get too far. Bye, Riley." She turned around and emerssed herself into the crowd of naked people so that it seemed that she had dissapeared. I wne outside and sat on the building's steps for about five minutes before Skylar arrived in his beat up Jetta that I knew was his from a mile away because I had seen him in it in town. "Hey," he said when he got in the car. I remember at this moment obsessing over the way he said it. It was such a simple word yet he articulated it so well. He said it in such a soft way. It didn't bang against his teeth like the words of most people. "Hi," I said, "thank you so much." "How did she take it?" "It was almost as if he whole dual personality thing had never happened. I told her that I was leaving and she already knew that I meant leaving-leaving. She turned back into the Jen that I wanted to be like, so it was kind of sad leaving her." "Weird. What did she say." I looked at Skylar. He looked so confident, so in control when he was driving. I loved him. I had always loved him, ever since the day I meant him. He was so different and so comforting at the same time. This moment, to be honest, was the scariest moment of my life. Here I was, in the car alone with the person who I had decided was one of the "monsters of Ojai" and now I was finally admitting to myself that this person, this "monster", was the person I loved the most. The other part of it all was the fact that I wanted to, that I needed to tell him this. Jen had said, "keep him close in any way that you can" and I decided in that moment that this was method A of keeping him close. If this didn't work I was just going to settle with being his friend. “She told me that you were special.” “Hah. What?” “She told me that you were special and that I needed to hold on to you in anyway that I could. Seriously, that is what she said.” ‘Oh.” That’s all he said and then theuir was silence for maybe five minutes. He broke the silence. “So do you still think that she is crazy?” “I think so. But I also think that sometimes the crazy people are the smartest. Sometimes that smart people get so caught up in being smart that they get kinda dumb. The crazy people tell it like it is, you know what I mean?” “Haha, yeah, I know what you mean.” “Jen told it like it is. I need to hold onto you no matter what.” I stated it bluntly. I didn’t pause I just said it. I had figure confidence was the best way to maneuver this. “Yeah. She was definitely right about that one. You don’t find very many guys like me in this world.” “I am thinking I will just humble her and do what she says, at least until I see her again.” “Yeah, I can help you out with that.” We were flirting, and we were being stupid but at the same time we were serious. When we arrived and his friends house no one was home. “Do you want some water?” “Yeah, sure.” We stayed up until 4 am talking. We spoke about what had happened to us, why we fell apart. He claimed it was because he felt like I only liked him for the sole fact that he wasn’t like anyone else in Ojai, not because of who he actually was. I told him that I was bullshit and that, just as I did then, I like him for every part of him. He thought this was sweet but I thought it was stupid that he ever thought I didn’t have that mind set. We talked about how Taylor Cancoon was in love with him still and how for a while, he thought he was in love with her. “She was my first kiss after all,” he said sarcastically. I laughed at this. We talked about how much he had changed since coming to Ojai. How before, when he arrived with his purple Mohawk, he hated all that Ojai represented but then he realized that it was so much more than what he had thought it was. He asked me whether I had changed my mind about it yet. I told him that I had.. If you want to know the truth about it all, I did learn a lot during this “adventure” of mine and I can’t help but make it seem like a cliché so just accept that that is what it is going to be. Clichés wouldn't exist if they weren’t said over and over again and that only happens if they are true. Maybe I was looking for //someone//, not something and I just didn’t know it. I had spent so much time convincing myself that everyone in Ojai sucked, but I had never considered the possibility that I sucked. I sucked for thinking the world around me was boring without even giving it a chance. What happened next was weird, you can skip over it if you would like but I know that you probably won’t because it is one of the more interesting parts of the story. Skylar looked at me. “So do you think that maybe I had something to do with your change of heart in Ojai?’ “I think so.” I smiled, “In fact I think you had a lot to do with it.” We were sitting on the couch and I suddenly noticed how close our faces were to each other. I wondered whether it had been like this the entire time. Suddenly change in the way Skylar was looking at me in that moment. He laughed and then he whispered, “what would you do if I kissed you right now?” I laughed at this and replied in a wisper, “I would probably enjoy it.” He reach his hand to my jaw line and slowly drew me in the small distance needed for our lips to touch. I am sorry but I am bringing in cliché number two here, You know how people talk about how when they kiss the person they love something along the lines of fireworks go off? It is true. It’s as though something is exploding in your stomach. Not in a weird, desgestive, farting kind of way but in a “I can’t believe this is happening I am so excited and happy” kind of way. It didn’t last long before the innocence disappeared the sexual tension shattered like glass. Skylar was not my first kiss. There had been other guys. But he was definitely the first person who I had kissed that I actually cared about. Now, that makes me sound like somewhat of a slut but I promise, that is not how it is. I just figured, back in freshman year that I didn’t want to be one of those kids who never kissed anyone and was sexually delayed. I had to keep up to pace with others, or at least that is how I felt. I have decided that I am not going to described how it got heated, it just did and you can do what you want to imagine what happened from there.

I woke up the next morning wondering how my life had just completely flipped in a matter of 4 days. In case you lost track, the story has a short timeline, I will repeat: 4 days. It is hard for me to look back on it and not feel like it was something that God had planned. I am not a super spiritual person. I tend to veer away from orthodox Christianity because, I mean seriously, have you even read the bible? If we followed it word for word we would still be thinking that woman were only good for reproducing and then all lesbians and homosexuals are evil. It basically sums up racism, sexism, and homophobia for us all. Sorry if I offended anyone there, everyone is entitled to their ideas. You can disagree with me, you can ban this novella, but I am allowed to say that and I get heated on with the topic of religion. Nevertheless, I do believe that a higher power guides us all. I am off and on with the whole idea of "everything happens for a reason". Sometimes, when times are tough or when something really shitty happens, I will resort to that excuse, but I also don't like that I fall back on that excuse. I mean, one could fail out of school or commit a crime, even kill someone and simply say, "hey, everything happens for a reason" and that's just lame. So I wake up, staring at Skylar and he somehow wakes up at then exact same time. "What are you thinking about?" "Everything. All of //this.// You, me, Jen, Ojai, society..." "Hahaha when //aren't// you thinking about all of that stuff?" "Good point," I said laughing. We didn't have breakfast, we just got in the car and headed for Ojai. I was willingly and almost happily returning to the place that I had claimed only four days ago that I hated. We drove along the coast which I liked because whenever my dad or mom takes the back roads which are like five minutes faster I always get super car sick. We listened to the Jack Johnson CD that he had in his car. When //Do You Remember// came on Skylar announced that this should be //our// song. I agreed and then we both sang alone to the lyrics: Do you remember when we first met? I sure do It was some time In early September You were lazy about it You made me wait around I was so crazy about you I didn't mind So I was late for class I locked my bike to yours It wasn't hard to find You painted flowers on Guess that I was afraid That if you rode away You might not roll back My direction real soon Well I was crazy about you then And now the craziest thing of all Over 10 years have gone by And you're still mine We're locked in time Let's rewind

It kind did explain our relationship accurately, except I wasn't sure who was supposed to be the be Jack Johnson. I immediately assumed it was me but then I thought about how //he// had proclaimed it to be our song so that made me think otherwise. I decided to leave it as a mystery. I liked the idea of him being "so crazy about [me]". It truly was the most perfect car ride. His car was old so it was noisy, but in an old-fashioned good way. The ocean glistened and reflected the sun shining on it. Every once in a while a pack of dolphins would show up and we could see their fins appearing and disapearing into the great big blue. Jack Johnson's music was the perfect background noise. When Sky took one had off the steering wheel and rubbed mine I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back. We didn't say anything but as we continued to drive, as he continued to keep his fingers laced with mine, as the ocean breeze kissed our faces, I could feel that this was something special, something that Jen was right about, I was going to have to hold onto it.

Chapter 5: I arrived home, to Ojai, awaited by something that I was ambivalent about. On literally every street was a poster of my face with bold words underneath saying, "have you seen this girl?" It was a pretty god-awful picture so it was hard for me not to laugh. I was first annoyed. Why would my parents do this? My social life is completely wounded because of this. Junior year will be a rough transition now. But then I realized two things: one, I really didn't have much of a social life in Ojai to begin with so I don't know why I was so concerned with it being "ruined". Two, I had Skylar now who was basically the king of Nordoff High School and would essentially "have my back" in the case of any tormenting. This thought process led me to yet another realization: for all these years I had been under the impression that my parents paid no notice to be. I thought that running away would be a piece of cake (which it was) but I didn't think that they would realize that I was legitimately gone-gone for at least another week... That's why I was not at all concerned about returning to a panicked mother and firery father. Skylar dropped me off and kissed me goodbye. "Good luck, " he said. "I think I will need it. I'll let you know." "See you tomorrow?" "Yes, please." "Okay, I will call you." "Bye!" I tentatively walked into the house. "Mom?.... Dad?" There was silence and then a roaring boom as though a bomb had literally gone off inside our house. "Riley Jane Williams get your ass up stairs now!" For the first time I was legitimately scared of my parents. Why wasn't one of them coming downstairs. Why did they just call me by first name. They never do that! "Look at what you have done to your poor mother!" My mom literally green. Beside her bed was trash can with a chunky, creamy looking substance of various colors in it. It was presumably vomit. "How is this //my// fault?" "She is //sick// with grief because of you! this is //your// fault! Where the hell have you been, Ri? We called you like a thousand times before we found your phone in your room--now don't get angry at us for going into your room. We were doing what parents must do to keep their offspring safe." The fact that my father just called be his "offspring" not his child or daughter did not surprise me. My father reminded me somewhat of Tobais Funke from Arrested Development. If you don't know what I am talking about, it is not imperative to your understanding of what is going on, if you are familiar with the fantastic TV series, please, read on, you will be amused and will make the connection. My dad was once an esteemed lawyer. I think he handled celebrity cases in LA. He had actually gone to Harvard Law (the only think that I know about that is from Legally Blond but based on the movie I am guessing that Harvard Law is the place to be if you want to be a lawyer). One day, I think about a year after I was born, he simply and bluntly decided that he no longer wanted to be a lawyer and that he instead wanted to be any organic farmer which later transpired into an organic person, yes, he wore the linen attire, had a beard, and looked like he could actually belong in that nudist home that I was at just the night before. He dropped whatever connection he had with the legal world and devoted his time to three things: family, surfing, and organic farming. Anyway, needless to say, my father is a character. He is a nice guy though. I do love him because he loves my mom so much, it is a nice thing to see. This was the angriest I had ever seen him which, believe me, wasn't even that angry. He was barely shouting. "I was on a soul-searching mission. I hope you, of all people would understand this," I replied. "Okay, don't pull out that card on me, I didn't go on a soul searching mission. I changed my lifestyle. I understand that you are going to give me grief about that for the rest of my life but this is not about me right now, it is about you and I want to know where you have been young lady." "I went to LA. With Earth Friend Jen. Are you familiar with the woman?" "What?! //You// got to meet Earth Friend Jen? How the heck did you befriend her?" He was already distracted by the fact that I had met his role model. "I found her in the mountains. She is pretty cool. I have so many stories to tell you. I was looking for adventure and boy did I find it. But it was more //your// type of adventure. //A lot// of hippies." "Good for you, honey! I am so happy that you are finally coming into your own, I was getting a little worried there." "Wait, dad, what happened to mom?" She was still green, gross, and asleep as dad and I chatted. "Oh your mother got food poisoning last night at that new seafood restaurant. They weren't organic so I don't know how your mother convinced me to go there but look at the result." "I see. So the whole, 'you are the reason why your mother is sick' was a lie?" "Yeah, sorry about that. But you did have us worried, that's for sure. We didn't know where you were or who you were with. We weren't sure if you had made some new friends that we didn't know about so that is why we posted those signs all around town, I don't know if you saw them but they sure were detailed. Your mom did the bubble letters and I chose the picture. Did you like them?" "I was wavering. I liked what they symbolically represented." "And what was that?" "The fact that you guys love me, the fact that you guys care enough to take the time and make some posters and put them up around town. I didn't think you guys had the faintest care of what I was doing or who I was hanging out with so it was nice to see this." "Well honey, we thought that that was what you wanted. Don't all teenagers want to be freed from the emotional wrath of their parents?" "I think their is a balance. Everyone wants to feel loved, you just don't want that over-protective crap like you see in movies. In a way, your posters represented that but you guys were falling off as parents so it was somewhat necessary for me to see." "Gotcha. I'll let Sleeping Beauty know once she wakes up from her cat nap." I laughed, "Okay, Dad. Sounds good. I'm gonna go take a shower. I'll fill you in on my adventures at dinner." "Okay, sounds good sweetheart."

Everything was really falling into place. I know, once again, what a cliche but this was really the turning point in my life. I had sought out adventure and I found it. I had confronted my fears, or fear and now I had a boyfriend but even more so a companion in life that I was going to make sure to "hold on to" in the words of Jen. I had learned how to accept for society for what it was and not reject it just because I had been rejected myself. I think, deep down, that was the main problem. I hated society because I unknowing hated myself because I represented it. I represented the small town girl, not that popular, some friends, who spent her free time looking at all the places where she //could// go but knew would ultuimately be impossible in the near future. I was finally happy to be then girl I was and thus I was able to enjoy society for what it was. Maybe this story wasn't worth be written down or merely retold. Actually, for me it was. Because through writing it, I realized it all, I realized all that I told you, so thank you, thank you for listening.