Lisa+Leung

I have always done what I was supposed to do. I followed the rules. I never talked back to my parents. I cleaned the dishes. I took out the trash. I even vacuumed the house when it was needed. Whenever someone asked me to help them I did. I am not saying I am perfect. I have made mistakes, but I always amend for them and learned not to repeat them for the future. All of these mistakes have made me the person I am today. I have a good job that pays well. I have a beautiful husband who loves me, and of course, I love him too. We live in a cozy house. Our neighborhood is full of kind neighbors and a wonderful school is right down the street. But some mistakes can’t help make you better. Some mistakes can never be fixed. You can do all you want, but you can never take it back. Some mistakes can hurt the ones you love the most. There is one mistake I can never take back. Every single day I wish that I stopped myself. I knew it was wrong, but I still didn’t stop. I want to tell someone. Just anyone, but I can’t. That is the only way to protect the ones I love the most, especially Peter. **Chapter 1** “Have a nice flight.” “Thanks. I will.” I grabbed my ticket from the lady behind the counter and boarded the plane. I made my way down the narrow isle, bumping into almost everyone already seated. “Sorry,” I repeated over and over as bumped into passengers. When I made it to my seat, I snuck a book out of my bag before I placed it in the over head compartment. I took my seat, book in hand. I was excited to read this book. I had just bought it at the local book store down the street from the hotel. I was overwhelmed by the tiny space occupied my 4 bookshelves stuffed and falling books. It was one of these falling books that I found to accompany on the long flight home. I picked up the light brown book from the floor and wiped away some dust. The title read, “Her Secret Pain.” I could not wait to open the book. Six hundred pages should be enough to keep me occupied for the whole plane ride. I opened the book and began reading the first chapter. All it took was the first sentence and I lost myself in the story. I didn’t even notice that the two seats next to me were occupied by other passengers and we were already in the air. The protagonist was most intriguing. She had blue eyes, was five feet seven inches, and vacationed in Barcelona for two weeks. The only difference between me and her was that she was blonde while I was a brunet. She was from Switzerland; I am from Washington. She was vacationing, but I was in the Bahamas merely for a business trip (maybe it was a little bit of a vacation though). //Sara turned the key and pushed the door open. The hallway behind the door was dark and silent. Nothing changed since she left a week ago for Barcelona. Her husband though, was not home. Sara threw her coat on to the rack when—// “You are now free to roam around,” said a generic voice from the plane. Oh, good. I unbuckled my seat belt, stood up, placed the book down, and took a quick stretch. I happened to look over the seat in front mine and saw a woman and a little boy who looked about two or three. His head lay on his mother’s thigh. His mouth was a bit open and his eyes closed. His chest was slowly rising and slowly falling at the same rate. His silky blonde hair mirrored that of the woman’s. I noticed the woman stroking the little boy’s hair. Her hand was bony and unnaturally red, probably from a sun burn. I blinked twice and realized my breathing was slightly heavier. I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous of this woman. I wished that it was my hand instead of her hand that was stroking the boy’s hair. I wished that it was my hand stroking his little head like a priceless glass vase; one that needed the uttermost care to make sure it never shattered. I quickly took my seat again and took my book in hand. I continued from where I left off. Every once in a while I found myself thinking. I thought about Sara and her husband. I thought about Sara having her own baby one day when her husband returned from the war. Sometimes I thought about myself. I thought about how much I envied the blonde woman sitting in front of me with the drooling boy on her lap. My thoughts were interrupted by the //ding// that sounded as the same generic voice from earlier said, “Please fasten your seatbelts. We will be landing soon.” I looked out the window and saw the snow covered volcano. //I’m home//, I thought, //there’s nothing like home.// I fastened my seat belt and continued looking out into the air. We passed through clouds. I saw fields and houses down below. I could even see the local park where kids were running around and playing on the swings. I remembered when I used to go on the swings everyday during recess. The swings were my favorite until one day I decided to jump off mid-air. Instead of sticking the landing like in my head, I hit the ground with my left arm and was rushed to the emergency room. I ended up breaking that arm and my parents told me I was forbidden from the swings unless under their supervision. They couldn’t keep me away though. As soon as my arm healed, I was back and swinging everyday at recess. Some of my fondest childhood memories were on a swing. <span style="color: black; font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%;">I wondered if the little boy liked swings. I wondered if he had ever been on a swing. I hoped he had. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I walked off the plane and made my way down the terminal. I approached the automated doors to exit the building. Outside the doors I saw the blonde woman and her son. Their luggage was being put into the trunk of a yellow taxi by a man who stood about six feet tall. He wore a navy blue button underneath his black peacoat and khaki pants. I came to the conclusion that this was the woman's husband and the child's father after hugs and kisses exchanged. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"Sophia!" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I turned in the direction of the voice. "Peter!" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"Hey there. How you've been darling?" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"I missed you," I said burying my face into Peter's chest. He smelled of aftershave and coffee; just as I left him. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"I missed you too. How was the trip? You look quite tan. I hope you didn't spend all your time on the beach instead of doing business like you were supposed to do." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"Don't worry, I did my work." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I was startled when I heard rummaging around me. I opened my eyes just wide enough to see the car door being opened next to me. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"Did you have a nice sleep?" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"Yeah," I managed to whisper. "Was I sleep the whole car ride?" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"Well, let’s just say that as soon as I turned the key, all I could hear was your snoring instead of the engine." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"I don't snore. You're lying." I smiled and took my seat belt off. I began to get put of the car when Peter stopped me. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"No, no. Let me help." Peter scooped me up in one quick swipe. When we made it to the front door, he fished through his left pocket. In a second he took out the house key and opened the door. I wrapped my arms more tightly around Peter's neck. He brought me to our living room and gently placed me on the couch. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"I'll be back soon with your bags." He gave me a kiss and turned around walked towards the door. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I couldn't manage to stay awake for even five more minutes. I fell back asleep before Peter returned with my bags. After he left me with a kiss, the next thing I remembered was smelling pasta Bolognese coming from the kitchen. I got off the couch and walked to the next room. Peter was standing over stove, sauté pan in hand. The floor board must have made a creaking noise that surprise Peter. He jumped a little before he turned around to see me standing in the doorway. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"I made your favorite." Peter began to scoop pasta on to the two plates that were already laid on the table. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"What's the occasion?" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"You're back home. Isn't that an important occasion already?" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"Me coming home isn't a special occasion. I was only gone for two weeks." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"Well I think you're pretty special." Peter wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. He whispered in my ear, "You're very special to me." I couldn't help but giggle. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">After a moment we sat down at the table. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I noticed half of my plate was empty before Peter poured us each a glass of wine. We toasted to my home coming and spent most of the time talking about my trip. The entire time we were talking about my trip, there was one thing I could not lose thought of. After my third glass of wine, that thought was still in my mind. I got up from my chair and took two steps closer to Peter. I bent down so we were nose and nose. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"I have another occasion we can celebrate," I whispered. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">"Oh really?" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">It took only seconds before the kitchen was empty and the door to our bedroom closed. **<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%;">Chapter 2 ** <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I got out of bed and pulled the covers around me. I walked over to the window and opened the curtains. The sun was already shining and I saw our neighbors walking their German Shepherd. A cat walked by and the dog began to bark. My neighbor almost fell forward when his dog started to chase the cat. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I stepped away from the window and headed for the bathroom. I could still hear the dog barking when I started brushing my teeth. I stepped into the shower and drowned out all outside noise. I could no longer hear the dog barking or anything else. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">The warm water streaming down my backside reminded me of the heat of the sun in the Bahamas. It was so pleasant there. Almost everything was perfect when I was down there. The beach was beautiful. The food was amazing, and the people were friendly, very friendly. One night though, was not perfect. The day started out exactly how I wanted it. I met with some clients and our deal went through. I remember being ecstatic. After we shook hands and they left the room I danced in place. I couldn’t hold in my excitement. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I was still smiling when I returned to the hotel. I took off my shoes and fell over onto the bed. I screamed into my pillow with joy. I was like a teenage girl who for her first kiss and couldn’t contain her excitement. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I didn’t stay in my hotel the room the rest of the night though. Of course I had to go out and celebrate. I took off my gray outfit I wore for the business meeting and slipped on an orange sundress I packed in my suitcase. I grabbed my black purse and headed out the door. I walked down the hall to the elevator. I took the elevator six floors down to the lobby. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">Outside a cab pulled over for me and I got in. I took the cab to a local bar. A couple of drinks would be perfect to celebrate my joy. While sipping a margarita, an American man caught my attention. I noticed him looking in my direction multiple times. Confirming my suspicions, he walked over and offered to buy me a drink. Without taking my eyes off of my glass, I showed him my hand. His eyes widened a bit when he saw the ring on my finger. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Thanks, but I’m good,” I said. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Oh,” he said and walked away. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I remembered the song that started to play as he walked away. It was sweet and had a nice rhythm. I began humming its tune in the shower. When I finished the tune I also finished my shower. I grabbed the towel hanging on the wall. I wrapped it around me and stepped out of the shower. I wiped my hand across the mirror so I could see myself behind the fog. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I combed my tangled hair until all the knots were gone and it lay flat and smooth behind my shoulders. I pulled the hair left in the comb and threw into the trash. I picked up the strands that fell to the floor. Peter hates it when I leave a trail of hair all over the floor. I took another ten minutes to blow dry hair and then fried the rest of my body. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I didn’t have to go to work today so I put on a pair of jeans and a sweater. I walked downstairs to the kitchen. I found Peter in there cleaning the dishes from last night. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Good morning. I hope you had a nice sleep,” he said as I walked into the room. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“I did. I hope yours was quite nice.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“As of a matter of fact, it was.” Peter gave me a wink. I couldn’t help but smile when he did this. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I poured myself some coffee that Peter already made. It smelled nutty and delicious. I added a little bit of cream and six sugar cubes sitting on the table. I sat down with the coffee in my right hand and grabbed today’s newspaper in my other hand. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Did you already read the paper,” I asked Peter. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Yeah. It’s all yours now.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Thanks.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I flipped through pages and articles to find something interesting. There was nothing too exciting and most of the news was already known for some time. I managed to make it to the section where with celebrity gossip and pointless headlines. I couldn’t find one article in there worth my time to read. I folded the newspaper and put it back on top of the table. I sipped some more coffee and leaned back in my chair. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">Peter finished washing the dishes and sat down across from me. He held a steaming mug of coffee too. He, however, didn’t anything to it. He drank it black. He told me once that he thought it’s not really coffee anymore if you add anything to it. I told him that it was ok if you just add a little bit of sugar or cream. It wouldn’t do much harm. Peter refused to accept my idea. He was always surprising me and I loved that about him. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“So what should we do today,” Peter asked me. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Hmm. I don’t know. How’s the weather looking?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Sunny all day. The temperature shouldn’t be bad either. You won’t need a jacket or anything. That sweater would be perfect.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Ok. Can we take a walk? Maybe go to the pond? <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Sure. We could bring a blanket too and sit by the water for a while.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“That sounds perfect.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I gave Peter a kiss and got up to wash my coffee mug. As I placed my mug into the drying rack, Peter wrapped his arms around my waist. He whispered into my neck, “Or we could just stay here.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“No. I wanted go out. We haven’t done that in a while.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Ok. Anything you wish.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I stepped away from the sink and let Peter wash his mug. I went back upstairs to find a blanket to use by the bond. When I came down stairs Henry was putting on his shoes. He looked up and took the blanket from my hand so that I could out on my shoes. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Ready?” Henry asked. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Yep,” I replied. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I took Henry’s hand when we got on to the sidewalk. The sun was shining and the air smelled so fresh and crisp. This was going to be a nice walk. We got to the pond and laid out the blanket to sit on. Nobody else was at the pond. All the noise I could hear was our breathing and the birds chirping. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I lay back into Peter’s body. My head was under his chin. He wrapped his hands around me and we looked out into the pond. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“It’s beautiful,” I said <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">We sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Then I broke the silence. “Last night,” I moved my hands over my stomach, “I think we should talk about it. I want to have a baby.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Are you sure?” Peter sounded concerned. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Yes. I am. I want to have a baby.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Have you thought about it for a while?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“I don’t know. I just feel as though we’re missing something. I’m ready to settle down. I’m ready to start a family that is not only us two, but our own child too.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Well, if you really want to—“ <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“I do, Peter. I really do. On my way home there was a woman and a little boy sitting in the row in front of mine on the plane. He was taking a nap and his head was lying on the woman’s thigh. I don’t know how to describe the feelings I was experiencing, but I knew I wanted to be like that woman. I wanted to have a child of my own who would take naps at my side. I wanted a child to ask me a million questions. I wanted to have a child to cry and come to me for comfort. Peter, I’m sure.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Alright.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“What about you, Peter? How do you feel?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“It sounds nice. I’m ready for a family.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Oh, Peter.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“So, about last night. Is…” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“I don’t know yet. We’ll find out soon though.” I looked up at Peter’s face. He was smiling. I missed that smile while I was away. He looked back at me and kissed my forehead. We went back to staring out at the pond. We sat content in silence for the next couple of hours. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes I was back in my room lying on the bed. Peter was downstairs watching T.V. I took a seat next to him on the sofa. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Sorry for falling asleep on you.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Don’t worry about it. I didn’t want to wake you up. You just looked so peaceful and serene. I didn’t want to disturb you.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“I must still be a little jet lagged. Hopefully I’ll recover soon,” I yawned. “I think I;m going to go back to bed actually.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Alright. Goodnight, sweetie.” Peter gave me a kiss and I went back to our bedroom. I slipped under the covers and closed my eyes. **<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%;">Chapter 3 ** <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I suddenly felt really hungry. My lunch break wasn't for another thirty minutes. I heard my stomach grumble and I'm sure the person at the next desk over could hear it. I hope I didn't scare them. My eyes strayed to the clock. 12:02. This was taking too long. I needed my break. I needed food. It was unbearable. I had no snacks left in my desk drawers either. I was stuck in misery. I began to tap my fingers and my stomach grumbled more and louder. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0.5in;">"Sophia."I turned around and there was my boss. "What can I do for you sir?""File these for me please," he said as he handed me some papers."No problem, sir." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I took the papers and walked to the filing room. It was filled with drawers and cabinets. All sorted by date and alphabetical order. Anything could be found in these drawers; past clients; business statements, or work projects. Everything was filed and could easily be found. When I finished filing all the papers I looked at the clock hanging on the wall. 12:15. Fifteen minutes. I only had to wait fifteen more minutes. When I came back to my desk the phone rang. I let it ring twice before I picked up. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 0.5in;">"Hello?" No one answered."Hello? Leroy and Cal's architecture firm.Still no answer. //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%;">Asshole. //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%;"> Calling someone and hanging up is just so rude. I hate when people do it, If it's the wrong number, the least someone could do is wait until the person on the other end of the call answers and tell him or her, "Sorry, wrong number." People these days have no manners. What has happened to society? No way in hell will my child act like this. I will make sure my baby is raised right with manners.I looked at the clock. It was finally 12:30, but that call made me so upset I wasn't hungry anymore. I wasn’t skip lunch though. I knew that if I didn't eat now when I could, I would probably be hungry later.I got up and went to the lounge. I grabbed my salad out of the refrigerator and sat on the blue sofa. Half way through my salad I forgot all about the call. I realized I got angry over nothing.I took the last bite of my salad and threw away my fork and container. I returned to my desk and started sketches for project down in the Bahamas. This was going to be a nice resort. I hoped that when it was finished and open for business Peter and I could go down and stay there. I could show him what I created and it would just be so much sweeter. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I planned to make the building six stories high with twenty rooms on each floor. On the highest level, rooms facing the beach would be deluxe suites. The building would not look like a traditional hotel. It would be built like a stair case. The end of each “staircase” that is sticking out would be like a rooftop for each floor. On these there would be an outdoor pool. Besides the pool, there will be a garden where the hotel will grow its own produce and fruit for their restaurant. On the other side, opposite the garden and the pool there would be solar panels set up on ever floor. We want this building to be energy efficient. At the very top (only those with rooms up there or pay may go), there will be a rounded part of the building. It will be set up as a gazebo where guests may relax and enjoy the view. Small wedding ceremonies are also an idea for up there. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I remember my wedding. It was 3 years ago. It had been snowing all day and I as afraid we might have to cancel the wedding if the storm didn’t lighten off. The window to my bedroom was covered in snow and I couldn’t see anything but white. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">It was only 9:30 in the morning and the ceremony wasn’t going to start for another five hours. I prayed that the snow would stop or at least calm down a little so I could have a bearable wedding. I began to pace back and forth in my room. I walked toward the snow covered window. Then in one motion I snapped back around and walked facing my pink door. Within minutes I began to sweat. //Oh no. I’m not supposed to sweat. It’s gross and not ideal. What is Peter going to think of me? I’m going to ruin everything for us. First he gets a blizzard after he moved up here for me. Now he’s going to get an over sweaty bride who can barely walk in a straight line. What—// <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">The phone rang. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Hello?” I picked up. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“We can take this storm.” It was Peter. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Are you sure?” I quivered back. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“I haven’t been sure about anything in my life except for this.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Ok. Let’s do it,” I said. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Alright, I’ll see there.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Alright.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Oh, and Sophia…” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Yes?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“I love you.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“I love you too,” and I hung up the phone. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I stopped pacing and decided to lie down on my bed for a bit. I was thinking too much. I just needed a moment to stop; to calm myself down. I closed my eyes and took deep breathes. It was like yoga class, except I was by myself and I would be getting married later in the afternoon. I concentrated as much on my breathing as I could. That took my attention away from all the things making me nervous that day. I must have been concentrating on my breathing so well that I didn’t realize my mother had entered the room. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Wake up, Soph. We need to go to your hair appointment,” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I looked at the clock by my bedside table. 10:45. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize what time it was mom. Just give me a moment to get ready. I’ll meet you downstairs.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Hurry up. We don’t want to be late. We’ll have to drive slower because of the storm.” My mom left the room and I got dressed. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">As I left my room, I felt sad. This was the last time I would be leaving this room and closing the door. After today I was going to be opening the door to a new bedroom. But I was happy. I would be sharing my new room with someone very special. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">When I got downstairs, my mom helped load my dress and the makeup kit into the car. We planned to go straight to the church right after our hair was done. We embraced ourselves for what lay behind the front door. But nothing attacked. The storm had stopped. There was no more snow falling from the sky. It looked like this day was going to be my very own fairytale. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">Our hair appointment was scheduled for 11:30 and we walked through those doors at 11:29. Just in time. We were greeted the staff and my bridesmaids who had all gotten there much earlier. They anticipated the storm was going to stay strong so they all left their homes extra early to make sure they made it on time. All of them would follow my mother and I to the church after our hair was done. My bridesmaids were my best friends. I knew them all growing up. They were going to help me with my makeup. I trusted no one else like them. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">It took about an hour to do makeup, mines and my friends'. When all the makeup was put away, my mom helped me put on my dress. She told me i looked beautiful and she was going to miss me. She couldn't believe that her baby girl was all grown up and getting married. It was quite a cliché moment. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">My mom and friends left me so I could have a few minutes to myself before the big moment. I closed my eyes and took deep breathes. //This is my day. This is my day,// I told myself. I opened my eyes and I was ready. I walked out of the room and to the aisle. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Sometimes I wish I would go back to that day. I loved Peter so much. I promised to never hurt him, and to do that, sometimes I have to keep Peter from what will hurt him. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I continued with my sketch. When I finished, I made a second copy for my own enjoyment. I drew in people and plants growing from the gardens. Someone was looking out the window and waving to people who passed by on the street. There young and old couples and families. They were all in summer attire carrying bags in one hand and sunscreen in the other. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">Every morning I stuck my head out of my hotel room window. I loved how the sun was warm on my face. Tourists were running around, trying to figure how much site seeing they could cram in before they came back to relax on the beach. Others were in slower motion, taking leisurely walks. They stopped to look at venders on the street and buy little souvenirs. I didn’t buy any souvenirs or do much site seeing while I was in the Bahamas. I had to make sure the plan for the new resort was approved. I had to find the site and set up many meetings with clients. Ironically, I would say this was one of the most stressful weeks in my life. Who’d ever think you would be stressed out in the Bahamas? When the plans were finally approved I had two days left on the island; two days I could relax. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I may have splurged on the relaxation a little too much. That night when I went to the bar to celebrate the plans being approved, I let myself go a little. I started with one drink, which I took my time with. But I realized that in less than forty eight hours I would be on a plane back to Washington. I wanted to enjoy myself as much as possible while I still could. I didn’t know the next time I would be on a tropical island relaxing. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I ordered another drink, but this time I finished it in half the time as the first. If Peter was with me he would have stopped me after the second drink. He wasn’t there though. I ordered another drink, but a stronger one this time. If Peter knew about this night he wouldn’t have approved. Whenever we go out, by ourselves or with friends, he is always very cautious with the alcohol. Usually he’s the one that volunteers to be our designated driver. Sometimes I wish he could be a little more relaxed while we drink, but I can understand why he is how he is. Ever since his brother’s accident he’s been extra cautious. Steven was driving home late. He just left a party at his co-worker’s house. He drove down the street to the corner, missed the stop sign, and made a quick right turn. His car and another, speeding from the opposite direction, hit each other head on. Both drivers were killed. The report later said that both drivers were intoxicated that night. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">Telling Peter about that night in the Bahamas would be too much for him. It was only one night and I’m fine now. I don’t want to see him worrying about what could have happened to me. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I left work around 6:00. Before I went home I made a stop at the convenience store to pick up something. I found what I need quickly and headed home. I was lucky today. There was not a lot of traffic so I made it home in 15 minutes. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I fumbled around for the house keys in my purse. After a minute I still could not find them. This was not good. I was the only one who had a set. Peter lost his yesterday and since he usually got home later than me, Peter would just ring the doorbell and I could let him in. There were no spares in a secret hiding place either. We used to have a secret key, but one weekend we went away and when we came back someone had robbed the house and used ours secret key to let himself in. Luckily we had just moved in and none of our furniture or belongings had come yet. But after that incident we decided that a secret key was not the best idea. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I was freaking out. I couldn’t stand up straight. My legs were shaking and so were my hands. I couldn’t stop blinking. I felt nauseous. I started to hyperventilate. //What am I going to do? Peter is going to be so mad. I let him down. I’m such a bad wife. I’m the worst. He won’t want to have anything to do with me when he comes home. Home! He won’t even be able to get into his own home because I lost the key. Oh no. Oh no. What am I going to do?// I started to cry. I had to figure out something. I turned away from the door to walk down the steps. There might be a window open in the back. I could climb through that and everything would be solved. Because I was crying, the tears blurred my vision a bit and I tripped on the last step. All the contents of my purse spilled out. I began to gather everything when I saw the keys. I was so relieved that I started to laugh hysterically. I couldn’t stop, not even when people walking by slowed down to stare. I just waved to them and they raised an eyebrow at me. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I managed to pull myself up from the ground and I went inside the house. //That was a close one,// I thought, //Peter doesn’t need to know about that.// <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I put my purse on the table in the hall along with my keys. I made sure I saw my keys on the table before I continued on to the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator and scanned it from top to bottom. I took out some stalks of celery, carrots, potatoes, garlic, and two onions. I closed the refrigerator doors and stood for a moment. I could see my reflection in the stainless steel double doors. //Why am I so ugly? What did Peter even see in me in the first place?// <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I brought the produce over to the cutting board on the counter. I went back to the refrigerator and took out some chicken breasts. I put stock pot filled half way with water on the stove. I brought the water to a boil and then added the chicken. While I let the chicken cook, I returned to my cutting board. I diced the celery first. Then I moved on to the carrots, potatoes, and minced the garlic. I saved the onions for last. I prepared myself for tears as I made the first cut into the onion. I made another cut, still prepared for what was to come. I made another cut, and another, and another. I finished the onion, but miraculously I was not crying. I prepared myself again for the second onion. I was sure I would shed at least one tear this time, but there was nothing. I got through the second onion and my eyes were all dry. I was baffled. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The timer I set when I put the chicken in the pot ringed. I turned the heat off on the stove and took out the chicken. I removed unwanted residue from the liquid and put the pot back on the stove. I turned the heat back on the high. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I diced the chicken and added it back into the pot. I added all the diced vegetables too. I sprinkled a little bit of salt and pepper, gave the soup a stir and covered it. I lowered the heat. I washed the cutting board and knife and placed them in the drying rack. I took a wet towel and some soap. I cleaned the surface of where I was working. I pulled out the drawer in front me. I grabbed two spoons. Above me I opened the cabinet and took two bowls. I placed the bowls and spoons on the table next to each other. I went back to the next cabinet and took two glass cups. I placed one in front of each set of the bowls and spoons. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I heard the door bell ring. I walked to the front door and opened it. Peter was home. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Howdy.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Hi, Peter.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Peter stepped into the house and gave me a kiss. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“How was your day at work today?” I asked Peter. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Same as usual. Boring. Don’t worry. There were no robberies at the bank.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Haha. You’re such a jokester,” I said sarcastically. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“How was your day?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Same. I filed some papers and did a sketch of the building we’re planning for the Bahamas.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Oh very nice. Is there a chance I get to see the sketch?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Well I can tell you about it over dinner.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Sounds great. Shall we? Peter escorted me down the hall. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“I made chicken soup. Everything from scratch. I hope—” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I took off the lid of the pot of soup. One small whiff of the soup and I was in the bathroom leaning over the toilet in a flash. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Peter came up behind me. “Are you ok? What happened?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Go away!” I yelled without turning my head. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“But—“ <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Just go away!” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Soph—“ <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Get out! Get out! Get out! I don’t want you in here with me! Go!” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Peter left silently, closing the door behind him. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I was throwing up here and there. My hair was a mess. My makeup was all smeared. I was crying. I was disgusting. I was too embarrassed for Peter to see me like this. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I had no idea why I was throwing up. It couldn’t have been the soup. It smelled perfectly fine right before I opened the door for Peter. I couldn’t be suddenly sick. I had no other symptoms. It couldn’t have been food poisoning. All I ate today was that salad at lunch and I made fresh myself so I know there was nothing wrong with it. I sat in the bathroom for a while longer, thinking about what could be the reason I got so nauseous and threw up. It took only a minute before I knew. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Peter! Go get my purse and throw it to me in here!” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I heard footsteps. They started to sound farther and farther away. Then they started to get louder and louder. The door opened a slit and my purse fell to the floor. I rummaged through my purse. I took out a brown paper bag that had my purchase from the convenience store. I took out the rectangular box and read the directions. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I took the cup I use for brushing my teeth and filled it with water. I drank a couple of sips and poured the rest down the drain. After a couple of minutes I had to pee. Perfect. I took the white plastic stick out of the box and did what the directions said. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">When I was finished I washed my hands and waited. I waited and waited. It felt like I would be waiting forever. I began to pace back and forth. I walked toward the door, then I walked toward the sink. I walked toward the door, then the sink. I had to take deep breathes to calm myself down. //Breathe. Breathe,// I told myself. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I looked down to see if anything was ready yet. It was. My eyes widened. I ran to the door and opened it. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Peter!” He was sitting in the living room. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“What?” Peter stood up from the couch looking alarmed. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Peter!” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“What’s wrong?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I hugged Peter as tightly as I could and buried my face into his shoulder. “Nothing’s wrong. It’s perfect!” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“What are you talking about? Are you alright?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Peter! There’s a baby inside of me!” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“You’re…you’re…pregnant?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Yes!” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Really?” Peter started to smile. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Yes, Peter! Really! That’s probably why I felt so sick after smelling the chicken soup even though it’s one of my favorite things. A baby, Peter! Can you believe it?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Wow. A baby. We’re having a baby! Let’s celebrate. Hmmm. How can we celebrate? How about…oh wait, no! No champagne. You can’t have alcohol when you’re pregnant. One drink is too many,” Peter laughed. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">When he mentioned one glass being too many I remembered that night at the bar in the Bahamas. I still hadn’t told Peter. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Ehh, I don’t need any champagne. I’m really sorry. I am so excited, but suddenly I feel exhausted.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Oh. Would you like to go upstairs and rest?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Yeah. I think I’m going to hit the bed early.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Alright. I’ll come up and help you settle down.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“No. I’m ok. Besides, you haven’t eaten yet. Go eat. I don’t want you to be hungry because of me. I can take care of myself.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Ok, but if you need anything just tell me and I’m on it.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Thanks. Love you.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Love you, too, Soph.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Goodnight.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Goodnight” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I headed upstairs to the bedroom. I took a quick hot shower and then put on my night gown. I slipped under the covers on my bed and lay my head on the pillow. I tossed from side to side, trying to find a comfy way to fall asleep. It was harder than usual tonight. I couldn’t find any comfortable way to lie down. Not my left. Not my right. Not on my back or even on my stomach. //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%;">Oh Peter, //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%;">I thought, //Poor Peter. I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I didn’t really mean it. I just didn’t want you to see me like that. I was gross and it was so embarrassing for me. I’m sorry for being so imperfect.// <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">When I did finally fall asleep, I had a strange dream. It was more like a flashback though. I was at the bar in the Bahamas. I was drinking my first martini of the night. The man that hit on me was there. In my dream though, he was sitting right next to me instead. Like the actual event, he asked, “Can I buy you another drink?” But when he did this, he put one hand on my shoulder very gently. I felt a little weird with his hand on my shoulder, but I was bit intoxicated and so I didn’t think there was really anything I should do. Maybe he was just being friendly. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I allowed him to buy me the drink he offered. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“I’m Andrew,” he stuck out his left hand for a shake. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Sophia,” I said looking down at my drink. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">His hand retreated back to his side. “Beautiful weather down here.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Yeah.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Having a relaxing vacation?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Ha. Vacation. Sure. Work actually. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Oh. What kind of work?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Architect.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Architect?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Yeah. My firm wants to build a new resort down here so I needed meet with clients and scope out the area.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Oh. Interesting. I wish I could settle down with a job like that.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Settle down? Working ten hours, six times a week, and getting three vacation days. I don’t think that’s settling down.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“It’s more settled down than what I have.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Ok. Well what is so…so…not settling about what you do?” I asked with skeptically. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Well I don’t really have a real job.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“So you do nothing? You just sit around all day?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“No,” Andrew said firmly, “I am an adventurist.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“An adventurist? Like how?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Well I live in Colorado. All there is to do is climb. I climb mountains, hills, anything. Just name it.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I raised my eyebrows. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">As Andrew started to talk all about his many adventures I was mesmerized. He told me about he travelled to Alaska last year. He climbed Mount McKinley with his brother. When he was twenty he traveled all the way to Tanzania to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. A couple years back he was planning to climb Mount Everest. He started to train for the trip three years prior. However, a week before he was to head out, Andrew came down with a severe case pneumonia. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Yeah. That was my most cowardice moment of life.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“How is being sick cowardice? You came down with pneumonia. You couldn’t do anything about it after that.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“I’ve survived landslides. I climbed the highest mountains in Africa and North America. I’ve been in life or death situations, missing a step while rock climbing and hanging on to whatever rock was there, but I can’t stand up to a simple bug? No wonder I have no respect in my hometown anymore.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“That can’t be true.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Everyone used to always ask me, ‘Where are you going? What’s your next expedition?’ Now all I get are stares and silence when I walk by.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“No. A whole town cannot be that cruel. It’s all in your head,” I put my hand on his shoulder to show my support. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“They can be, but I don’t care. I don’t care about nobody anymore,” Andrew took a sip from his third beer. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“C’mon. Well, you’re o n vacation right now. No one here knows who you are. Everyone thinks you’re just another human being trying to enjoy himself. So just relax while you can.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Thanks,” Andrew toasted his beer with my rum, “bottoms up.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">We ordered about two more drinks. Andrew told me about his childhood. He told me about the school he went to growing up, his family, pets he had, and the different places he has lived in. His life was so interesting. How could he not like it? And someone like him could not be hated by his home town. If not, they would be proud of him. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">Andrew got up from his chair. He took about some money and left it on the bar table. He tipped his hat at the bartender and then me. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“It was nice meeting you Sophie. Thank you for listening.” Andrew turned around to walk to the exit. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Wait!” I grabbed his arm. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">Andrew turned his head to face me. His blue eyes were soft and glittering. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Andrew,” I reached for his other arm— <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I saw the ceiling of my bedroom. I was back under my covers. Peter was right next to me, sound asleep. I watched as his chest rose up and down. He looked so peaceful. He seemed content. I couldn’t disturb that. //What kind of Person could I be to disrupt that peace? I can’t do that to him.// <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I turned over to my left side. I looked at the clock on the bedside table. It read 5:45AM. Then alarm was going to go off in fifteen minutes. I decided to just get up and brush my teeth. At least when the alarm went off, I would be done washing up and Peter could have the bathroom to himself. He was planning to shave today and it would be ideal if I didn’t need to use the sink. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">After brushing my teeth I washed my face with some warm water and soap. I dried my face and looked at the mirror for a while. I saw such an ugly girl. Her mask was on way to tight. She needed to take it off, but she couldn’t because she was too weak. //Poor Peter. He doesn’t see how ugly I really am.// //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%;">Ring! Ring! //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%;"> The alarm clock went off. I heard Peter groan. He came into the bathroom with his eyes half open. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Well you’re up early,” he said to me. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Yeah. I woke up a couple of minutes ago. I’m done with the bathroom. You can have it all to yourself.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">“Thanks, sweetie.” I smiled and walked out of the bathroom. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I looked through my drawers to pick out an outfit for today. I found my pink button up blouse and navy blue blazer. I put that on over my black pants. //What shoes?// I couldn’t decide whether to do heals, flats, or somewhere in the middle. I looked through the closet to find the perfect pair of shoes. I scanned the shelves from top to bottom. In the middle I found them. They were black with one inch heels and had pointed toes. I grabbed them and put them next to the bed. //Perfect.// <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0pt;">I went to the kitchen. I made some fresh coffee and poured myself a bowl of cheerios while waiting for the coffee. I heard the stairs creek. Peter came into the kitchen."Making coffee?""Yep," I said."Hey, I'm going to be home late tonight," Peter said."You are?""Yeah. There's been some misplaced papers so we have to find them before something serious really happens.""How late will you be?""Nine maybe? I'm sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you.""No it's ok. I don't want the bank to fall under a lawsuit or anything because of some misplaced papers.""I promise I'll make it up to you," Peter gave me a kiss and left for work. I followed shortly afterwards.**<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Chapter 4 **I looked at the clock. It was 10:15. Peter was sitting next to me reading "Sport's Illustrator." I looked around the room. The carpet was a light blue and the chair cushions were red. Sitting next to me was another woman and her husband. She looked around my age and her husband about forty. They were holding hands when a woman wearing a white lab coat walked into the lobby. She examined her clipboard through her black rimmed glasses."Clara?""Yep. Right here," said the woman holding the man's hand. They stood up still holding hands and followed the woman in the lab coat. My eyes wondered around the room more when they disappeared through the doors. Across from me there was a teenage girl. Her black hair was in a low ponytail. Her earring studs were gold with a green jade in the very center. She was tapping her fingers on the side of the chair. Her head was tilted up and her eyes were staring toward the ceiling. She had white headphones in her ears that were attached to a blue Ipod. She couldn't have been more than seventeen. I couldn't help myself but wonder. //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">She's so young. How is she going to take care of that baby? Are her parents going help her out? They probably weren't if they weren't here with her today. Maybe she hasn't told them! Has she even told anyone? Oh, no I hope she's not thinking of-- //"Sophia?//<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">" // <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I turned my head. The same woman who wore a white lab coat and glasses called my name.Peter and I stood up from our chairs and followed the woman. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"In here," the woman used her hand to motion us into a room. The doctor should be with you shortly. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">Peter and I walked into the room. It had the smell of sanitizer. In the corner there was a small bed with white sheets. Next to the bed was chair like the ones in the lobby. Before I made it over to the chair the doctor walked in. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">The doctor was a man who like the woman, wore a white lab coat. His black hair was slick back and he was clean of stubble on his chin. A stethoscope hung around his neck. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Hi there, Sophia. Got some new life there?" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Uhhh," I was confused. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"New life? Because you're having a baby? I'm just joking with you," <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Oh, but Dr. Roach, how did you--" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"I'm an OBGYN. Why else would come to see me unless your having a baby? Sorry, I got to work on my comedy act." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Ehh, it's alright." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">Dr. Roach told me to take a seat. I sat on the bed. The doctor pulled around a table with sanitation materials, a syrninge, and bandaids. Dr. Roach held the syringe and took a blood sample from me. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Ok, so in a couple of days I'll get back to with the results and you'll know for sure whether you're going to have a baby or not," said Dr. Roach. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Thank you," I said. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Do you have any questions? Or is there anything unusual or not the ordinary that is happening with your body?" he asked. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"No. Thank you for your time," we shook hands and Peter and I left. **<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Chapter 5 ** <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I was at work when the call came. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Hello?" I answered the phone. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"It's Dr. Roach. Is this Sophia?" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Yes." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Hi there. I have the results from our last visit." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Oh. So, what, what uh, are they? <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"You are about three weeks pregnant, Sophia. Congratulations." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Thank you very much Doctor." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Ok. Just call in a couple of weeks so we can set up another appointment. If you have any questions please don't be afraid to ask. Take care," Dr. Roach hung up. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I hung up the phone too. I stared at the phone for a minute. I just stood there and stared in silence. I was startled when the phone rang again. I answered it. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Hello?" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Hi, Sweetie. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Oh, hi. Aren't you busy at work?" <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Yeah," said Peter, "but I have a quick moment. I wanted to know if Dr. Roach called yet. He said he should have the results about now." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Um, no, not yet," <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Alright. Well, he'll probably call soon." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Yeah, I hope so. I'll see you later. Bye." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">"Bye." <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I hung up the phone and took my hand away slowly. I turned to the computer at my desk. I decided to send my boss an email telling him about my news. I would need to go on maternity leave in a couple months when I had the baby. It would be better to plan what is going to happen ahead of time so when I leave everything will be all set. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">After I finished my email I picked up a pencil. I started working on a new building that was going to be downtown. It was going to be ten stories high and circular. It wasn’t going to be a normal rectangular building holding ten condos per floor. This building was going to stand out from the rest. By no means would it be “boring.” It was almost “abstract” in a way. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">When I finished with the new condo complex I started another drawing. This one was a church that was being built the next town over. It was going to have wide pillars and columns. There would be a clock tower on the right side of the building. Inside there would be one main room for worship and 5 smaller ones in the back for private and business use by the clergymen. The ceilings of the room of worship will have arches along the dome shaped roof. High up on the walls all around will be stained glass windows. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I stopped drawing my design. I was stumped. I knew that there was definitely more that I needed to add, but I just couldn’t. I suddenly couldn’t think of what I needed to add. I had writer’s block, but the architect version. The church wasn’t going to be too complex, but I couldn’t figure out the rest of it. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I gave up on finishing the drawing; at least for today, I pushed back the paper and sat back in my chair. I breathed heavily for a bit. //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">It’s for real. I’m having a baby. I’m carrying another human life. Wow. I made another life. But Peter. How can I tell Peter? // <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I sat in my chair, occasionally spinning myself as I pleased, for the next two hours until it was time to go home. When I was free to leave I grabbed my jacket and slipped it on. I walked to the parking lot outside the building. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I fit my key into the ca and turned. The lock popped up and the door was unlocked. I put my purse on top of the passenger’s seat and got in. I pushed the key into the ignition. I listened as the engine started up. I put on my seat belt, checked my mirrors, and backed up out of parking space. No cars were coming in any direction so I had no problem trying to et out of my spot. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I drove out of the parking lot and went home. I passed by the convenience store that I stopped at the other day. The store was closed. This was unusual. It was never closed. The store was supposed to be open twenty-four hours a day, but it was closed right now. That was weird. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I hit some traffic along the way home. There had been a car accident. The owner of a silver Mercedes was speeding down the street. It ran a red light. An SVU was driving perpendicular to the Mercedes. The Mercedes tried to avoid the SVU and swerved a bit. The SVU had minimal damage. Only a broken bumper and the driver were ok. He walked away with a cut or two, but nothing more. However the owner of the Mercedes was not as lucky. When he swerved, trying to avoid the SVU, he hit a telephone pole. The whole front half of the car was pushed and compressed toward the back and middle. This car could never be driven again. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">The owner of the Mercedes was carried on a stretcher into the ambulance. From what I could see, he had blood all over his face. His legs and arms were covered in cuts bruises. He was hurt all over. I could only imagine the physical pain he must have been feeling. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I was close to the scene when the ambulance sped off to the hospital with the driver of the Mercedes. When I drove by where the accident happened, the owner of the SVU was standing with police officer by his barely damaged car. The police officer had a pencil and a pad of paper. He must have been writing down the story of what happened from the SVU’s driver. Shortly after the officer would leave to get the other driver’s side of the story. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">Soon enough I was fully passes the scene of the accident and it was all behind me. It took ten minutes to get home from there. When I went to open the front door this time, I found my key fairly fast. I opened the door and placed my purse and keys on the table in the hallway as always. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I went to the living room to sit for a while. I was tired and wanted to relax. I turned on the television and out my feet up. The phone rang. I didn’t get up. The phone rang again. I didn’t get up. The phone range, again. I did not get up. After five rings the call went to the answering machine. I heard the message from across the room. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Hi, it’s Peter,” said the called in the answering machine. “I’m going to be coming a little bit earlier today than usual. I just thought you’d like to know so weren’t surprised for later, but I guess your not home yet so we’ll he see who gets home first.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I waited on the couch until Peter walked through the front door (Peter had a new key for the house). I stayed silent as he walked toward he kitchen. Before he made it to the kitchen, Peter saw me in the living room. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Oh. I didn’t know you were home already,” said Peter. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“I’ve been home since 6:30,” I said <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“6:30? Why didn’t you answer the phone when I called ten minutes ago?” Peter asked. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Sorry. I was in the bathroom when the phone started ringing. By the time I got to it, it was too late and you were going to be home anyways so it would have been useless to call you back.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Ok. Did Dr. Roach ever call?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Yeah he did.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Well?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“We’re having a baby,” I said. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Peter gave me a tight hug. I took a second before I wrapped my arms around him. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“That’s wonderful,” Peter said. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I said nothing. I just stood there with my arms wrapped around like I was supposed to. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“We’re having a baby, a baby Sophia.” Peter smiled at me <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I smiled back to mirror him. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Let’s have dinner,” Peter said. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I followed him into the kitchen. **<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Chapter 6 ** <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">It was my day off. I woke up around 9:00 in the morning. Peter had already left for work. He wouldn’t be home until 6:00, so I would be alone for nine hours. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I rolled out of bed to wash up. I showered and brushed my teeth. I pulled open the drawer to my dresser. I took out a white t-shirt. I opened the next drawer below and took out a pair of jeans. I pulled my jeans up to my waste. I began to button my pants, but I was having some trouble. I got close, but I couldn’t get my button. I tried zipping my pans to, but I couldn’t make it past halfway. For the past two weeks my pants have been a little snug, but today it was way past snug. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I looked into the mirror. I turned so my side was facing the glass. My stomach had a bulge that wasn’t there before. I followed the outlining of my stomach with my eyes. My stomach was still relatively flat, but I knew that was going to change soon. I was going to have to start buying some new clothes. I was going to miss my wardrobe. Slowly, they were going to be replaced for a couple of months. Today, was one day closer to them replaced. I found a pair of comfy grey sweat pants to put on. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I went downstairs to make myself breakfast. I had a bowl of cheerios and a cup of coffee. I started pouring some milk into my cup, but before I added what I needed, there was no more. I opened the fridge to scan the shelves. There was no milk left. I had to eat my cheerios dry. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I finished my breakfast and washed my bowl and spoon. I grabbed my cup and drank the last sips of my coffee. It didn’t taste as good as usual. It still needed some more milk. I washed my cup when I finished the last sips. Then I scanned the refrigerator. I took note of what items we needed to restock on: milk, orange juice, carrots, celery, apples, grapes, and lettuce. I opened the pantry next to the refrigerator. We were running low on saltines and pasta. I grabbed a note pad to write down my shopping list. I had nine things on my list. I checked my wallet to see if I had enough money for the groceries. I was all set and headed to the car. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I drove to the local market. Luckily, I found a parking space right up front. I walked through the automatic doors. The first item on my list was milk. I made way to the dairy aisle. I passed by cheese and yogurt before I saw any milk. There were so many different brands and kinds of milk. There was one percent, two percent, skim, soy. There was extra silky, extra smooth. Some were already pre-made chocolate milk. I selected skim milk. Past the milk were the juices. I picked up one bottle of orange juice without pulp. I headed off to the next aisle. The pasta was on sale so I picked up ten boxes. In the next aisle I found the saltines and grabbed three boxes. All I had left on my list was the produce. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">I found the vegetables first. I packed the cart with lettuce, carrots, and celery. I was almost finished. All I had left were the apples and grapes. On my way to the stand with grapes, I saw another fruit. I remembered seeing this type of fruit down in the Bahamas. I had never heard or known about it previously. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">There was a drink in he bar that used this fruit in it. It was a special drink. The bar only made it when the fruit was in season, which was the time I went down there. I read the description of the drink, but I didn’t order it. I was too timid to order it at first even though it sounded delicious. After two drinks, my judgment was a bit impaired. I let loose a little. Andrew was excited that his constant insisting wasn’t a fail. I let him order the drink for me. He told me I needed to try it. It was only sold one season a year and I didn’t know the next time I would be down in the Bahamas. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“You have to take some chances. It’s better to take chances than to find yourself full of regret later and wondering why you didn’t take the chance while you had it,” Andrew told me when the bartender handed me the drink. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“What if you like being safe and cautious? You can’t take a chance on everything. What if you end up regretting taking that chance?” I asked him. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“Well that’s why they call them chances. There’s a chance you’ll end up alright and there’s a chance you’ll end up hurt.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“Hurt?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">Andrew’s eyes darted to his left arm. “Yes. It’s not always physical. Sometimes psychological or emotional. Either way it still hurts you, but sometimes it also helps you.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“What happened?” I asked. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“What do you mean?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“Your arm. As soon as I said ‘hurt’ you looked at your left arm. What happened?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“I was fifteen,” Andrew said. “I went camping with my dad in the mountains. We were on our way down to the river to go fishing. I begged my dad to let us go to a certain ledge before we went down to the river. I had heard it was the best view. It was high up and over looked the river and the forest down below. I had also heard that there was no other sound but birds and other animals walking around. It was a peaceful and serene place It really exposed what nature was all about.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“What happened,” I said with urgency in my mind. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“I had also I heard that due to the latest weather conditions, the area where the cliff stuck out was possibly unstable.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“You still wanted to go anyways?” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“Yes,” Andrew answered. “I wanted to see the view. I wanted to hear the silence. You never get to experience the true beauty of nature in the city. This was my only chance to experience it. I begged my dad and he finally gave in. It was quite a hike up the mountain to the view, but it was all worth it. All I could hear was the sound of my breathing and I could see everything in the distance. I walked over to the cliff--” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“What happened?” I was about to fall off my seat. I couldn’t imagine what had happened. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">“My dad told me to be careful. I told him don’t worry. I looked over the edge. It was the most beautiful site I have ever seen. Before I turned around to go back to my dad I took in one last look. Then the part of the cliff I was standing on collapsed.” <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%;">My mouth dropped open. <span style="font-family: Cambria,serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Luckily there was another ledge that stuck out from the mountain. I landed on that instead of falling farther to my death. A large rock pinned my arm down. It was too heavy for me to lift. I remember my dad screaming my name. After that I think I passed out because I woke up in a hospital bed with my dad and mom crying next to me.”
 * <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 150%;">Prologue **

I couldn't find any words to say.

"Sometimes chances are big risks," Andrew turned to face me,"but it was a risk I will never want to take back."

He amazed me. After what happened I would have never taken another chance. I was afraid of trying a new drink, but Andrew wasn't even afraid when he knew his life was at risk.

I finished walking my way toward the apples and grapes. After I headed toward the check out lines to pay. I got in line behind a woman with a green sweater. Her hair was grey and her hands were wrinkled. She must have been around sixty. I wonder if she had kids, maybe grand kids. She probably did. I wondered if I would have grandchildren when I was as old as her. I wondered if my child would get married, have kids.

I was too busy thinking that I didn't notice the line moved up. I felt a little nudge in back, signaling me to move forward. I turned around as a reflex. I was ready with a dirty look plastered on my face, but when I saw who it was it faded into a smile.

"Heyyy, Camille!"I said.

"Hey!!"

"How's it going? I haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah. I've been busy with my new job and Dillion has been out of town for a bit."

"Oh. How's your new job going?"

"It's really good. I like it a lot. It pays more which is a bonus. What about you? Designing any new things?"

"Yeah, actually," I paused when I thought about saying the Bahamas,"I'm designing a new Church in the next town."

"Very nice," Camille said. I noticed her eyes dart to my stomach for a miniscule second. "How's Peter doing? I haven't seen him in a while either."

"He's doing well. Still working at the bank."

I noticed Camille's eye drift again. "You're..." she hesitated, "you're--"

"Yes. I'm pregnant," I said.

"How long?"

"About 4 weeks."

"Oh, so you're still early. So, what are you hoping for. Boy or girl?"

"I don't know. Either."

"You're baby will be so cute. I bet he'll have brown eyes like you and Peter." <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">I smiled for Camille and then turned around to give my items to the cashier. I paid for the groceries, said goodbye to Camille and hurried to my car. I was hoping to get to my car fast enough so I didn’t have to talk to Camille anymore. I took out my keys from my purse, opened the car door and drove home. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">At home I unpacked the groceries and restocked the fridge. I looked inside the doors. It was full. Nothing was empty anymore. It would probably be another two weeks before I had to go to the market again. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I stopped midway closing the doors to the refrigerator. I suddenly felt like eating one of those apples I had just bought at the market. I found the drawer where I put the apples and took one out. This one was especially shiny. It was full of lust and shined a bright red. It felt smooth to the touch. It almost slipped out of my hands when I grabbed it. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I went to sit down at the kitchen table with my apple. It made a crunching noise when I took a bite. Juice raced down the sides of my mouth. I grabbed a napkin to wipe my face. I took another satisfying bite of crunch and juiciness. This apple was amazing. It was one of the best apples I had ever eaten. Nothing could compare to it. I finished the apple to its core. I threw the core away into the trash. I got up to wash my hands. Not only did the juice slide down my face, but also my hands, making them sticky. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 115%;">After I washed my hands I made my way to my bedroom. I walked in and noticed the something sticking out from underneath my bed. I pulled the object out. It was covered in a layer of dust. When I breathed in through my nose some dust came up. I sneezed all the dust off the object. It was the book I bought down in the Bahamas. There was a bookmark in it. I still hadn't finished it. In fact, I haven't even opened since the flight back home. I opened the page where the bookmark was. I was about one hundred pages in. I was at the part when the main character returned home, but no one was there. I read a couple of sentences. Sara had heard a noise behind her. She turned around to find her husband holding red roses. It was a huge relief for her. She thought maybe something was in the house, but it was her sweet and loving husband who took the day off to work to greet when she returned home. I squealed with excitement. I had to keep reading now.

I brought the book downstairs with me. I went to the living room to sit on the couch. I put my feet up and opened the book. The character, Charles, Sara's husband, enchanted me. He was the sweetest thing in the world. He bought her flowers. He made her dinner. He cleaned the whole house for her homecoming and he even planned a welcome home party with their friends for the next day. Anyone would fall in love with him.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I gasped when I got to chapter eight. Sara and Charles had just finished dinner when they started to walk home around eleven: //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Charles took Sara’s hand in his. They took their time with every step along the side walk. As they passed a dark alley someone jumped out. It was too dark to make out a face. Charles stood there defenseless while the man held a knife to his throat. // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“Give me you money!” shouted the shadowed man. “You too,” he said, pointing his knife at Sara who was standing next to her husband. // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Sara unzipped her purse. Her hands were shaking as she tried to find her wallet. // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“Just give me that!” said the criminal as he snatched the whole purse from Sara. “Your too slow!” // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Charles handed over his wallet to the man with knife. The man with the knife held the blade close to Charles neck for a few more seconds, but satisfied with getting what he wanted, he turned around and ran in the opposite direction. // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Sara fell to her knees crying. Charles bent down and wrapped his arms around her. His shoulders were shaking, but not as much as Sara. When he hugged Sara he could feel her whole body shaking. Not one spot on her body was still. // <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">There were so many surprises in the book. I was hooked and couldn’t stop reading. I lay back in the couch and rested my head on a pillow that Peter and I received as a wedding present. It was dark green and matched the couch perfectly. The outside of the pillow was soft and fuzzy. If I could only feel and not see it, I would have probably mistaken it for a bunny. The pillow was fluffy too, but not too fluffy. It was fluffy enough that my head felt cuddled, but it was stiff enough that my head didn’t just fall right through. It was the perfect pillow to have while I enjoyed my reading. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">As the story continued, new surprises were thrown in. Sara went to see a therapist. Charles thought it might be best since she was still very shaky a week after the incident. //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“So, can you tell me what happened that night?” asked the doctor. // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“Well,” Sara began, “we, Charles and I just finished dinner…uh...and…we…” // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“Don’t worry, take your time Sara.” // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Sara found it hard for the words to come out of her mouth. She felt uncomfortable facing the doctor and making eye contact as she tried to retell the story from that night so she often stared at her feet. Sometimes she found herself staring at the doctor’s feet, wondering what he was thinking. // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“Sorry, I’m trying,” Sara said. “We finished dinner around eleven and left the restaurant to walk home.” Sara risked a glance at the doctor’s face. He seemed sympathetic and compassionate. Still, Sara found it uncomfortable making eye contact so she resorted back to staring at her feet. “We walked by an alleyway when…when…” // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“It’s ok. Take your time,” said the doctor. // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“Someone jumped out. We couldn’t see his face. It was too dark. He had a knife and…he held it against Charles. He demanded money and Charles reached into his pocket for money. Then, then…he looked at me. He shouted. He wanted money from me too.” Sara intertwined her fingers and pulled them apart. She made sure to look at the floor. “I reached into my purse to get my wallet, but, but I was too slow so he just took the whole thing from my hand.” Sara was on the verge tears and the doctor could see that. // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“Sara, it’s good that you’re able to tell me what happened, but you don’t have to continue if you don’t want to. You can always tell me another time.” // //<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Sara suddenly looked up at the doctor. “No, I have to tell you. If I don’t, I don’t when I will be able to again.” Sara picked up from where she left off, “After he had my purse and Charles handed him his wallet, the man stood staring at us for a few more moments. I realize it was only seconds, but it felt like hours. In that time span when he just stood there in silence with our money, he still had the knife against Charles. I was so scared. I...I…thought maybe…I thought he would, would…hurt him. I was so scared. But then he turned around and ran off.” // <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I thought, //poor Sara//. It must have been so hard for her to retell the horrible story again. I felt pain for her, but I also admired her. She had the courage to remember relive the incident as she told the therapist about what happened. I would never be able to do such a thing. I would have probably kept everything bottled and try to make myself forget everything. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I didn’t realize how much time had gone by while I was reading. I was must have been reading for hours because the sky had turned dark outside and I hadn’t notice it all. Peter also returned from work walking through the front door. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Sophia?” I heard Peter call. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“I’m in the living room,” I called back. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I saw Peter’s body appear in the doorway of the room. He was wearing the striped blue button up shirt I bought him for his birthday three months ago. His grey tie was already loosened and his collar was popped up. His hair looked almost the same. He had gelled and spiked up a little. I was ready to run my hands through that hair at that moment. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“What do got there?” Peter asked, noticing my book in hand. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Oh, it’s a book that I bought down in the Bahamas actually. I forgot all about it until today when I found it under our bed covered in dust. I’ve been reading it all day.” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“All day?” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Yeah, pretty much. Well, I went to the market in the morning because we were out of food in our refrigerator and pantry, but when I came back, that’s when I found the book and I started reading. I didn’t stop until now when you came home.” I placed the bookmark on the page I stopped reading at and closed the book. I put aside on the coffee table in front of me. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Did you eat anything?” Peter asked. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“An apple,” I said. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“That’s it?” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“I had cheerios for breakfast.” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Anything else?” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“No, not really.” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“You must be starving then!” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“No, maybe, I don’t really know. I was too busy reading to notice my stomach grumble if it did.” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Alright, let me go put away my work stuff. Then you and I will eat. We have to make sure Mommy is being healthy, which includes eating.” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Don’t call me that.” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“What? Why?” Peter sounded a little concerned. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. I just meant I’m not a mommy yet.” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Well you will be soon, and I will be a daddy.” Peter smiled. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I smiled back at him before he disappeared from the doorway of the living room. He ran upstairs to put away his briefcase. When he came back down I was already in the kitchen, standing over the stove waiting for a pot of water to boil. I turned around to see Peter. He changed into grey sweatpants and a Princeton sweatshirt his sister bought for him a couple of years ago before she graduated. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Spaghetti?” Peter asked. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Mhm.” I said. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Peter gave me a kiss. “Yum.” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I couldn’t help but smile, even when Peter walked away toward the refrigerator to get some lettuce for a salad to go with our main dish. Peter also took out a jar of tomato sauce and some cheese. Then he opened the pantry and found a box of noodles. He brought them all over to me at once. While Peter made us side salads, I poured the pasta shells into the boiling water. The box said it would take twelve minutes for it to cook. In the meantime, I looked through the cabinets for a strainer. It took me a while since I couldn’t remember where I last put it, but I found it eventually. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I placed the strainer in the sink and poured the pasta and boiling water into it. I rinsed the pasta noodles that couldn’t escape the strainer with some cold water so it wouldn’t keep cooking from the heat and stick together. When that was done I poured the noodles back into the pot with the jar of tomato sauce too. I coated the pasta until it was all red. I scooped out a plate for me and Peter and brought it to the table. Peter had all ready set the table with necessary utensils, napkins, cups, our salads, of course, and a bowl of freshly grated parmesan cheese for the spaghetti. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I sat down and placed one plate of spaghetti in front of Peter and one plate in front of me. We started with our salad first. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“It’s important you eat lots of veges to be strong and healthy,” Peter said, sneaking in a wink too.” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Is that so?” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Absolutely.” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">We finished eating our salads and moved on to the pasta. I sprinkled just a little bit of cheese on top. Peter, on the other hand, sprinkled almost half the bowl over his plate. I giggled over the amount of cheese Peter used. I really wasn’t funny, but I couldn’t help myself. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Is something funny?” <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“No,” I said, and giggled some more. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">We ate the rest of our dinner without talking. We had some winks and giggles, but no actual spoken words. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">We finished eating around nine and went to our bedroom to sleep. While Peter got comfortable under the covers, I found my book again and opened it.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Didn’t you say you’ve been reading all day?” said Peter.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Yeah, but it’s really good,” I said

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Come on. Let the book rest a little,” Peter grabbed the book from my hands and tossed it gently to the floor. His face was so close to mine I could feel his hot breath. “Have some other fun.”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Peter began to kiss my neck. I raised my hands to run my fingers through his hair, but I stopped. “Actually, I’m tired.”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Oh,” Peter looked disappointed.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I pulled the blanket over me and lay down on my side with my back turned to Peter. I felt his body fall to the bed behind me. He got closer to me and put one arm around my waist area.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Peter fell asleep within minutes. He was a very heavy sleeper and I was glad. I didn’t want him to wake up any time soon and see me crying.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I remembered being cuddled with an arm around my waist before, but it wasn’t with Peter. I felt the white hotel sheets on my naked body. It covered the arm that was wrapped around me. I stared out the window next to the bed. The lights in the street made it possible for me to make out the area. I saw someone walking on the sand. He was walking in the direction away from the hotel. As his distance from the hotel increased, he started to disappear from my vision and eventually he was gone.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0.5in;">I turned onto my other side in the bed. Andrew’s eyes were closed and his breathing was slow and peaceful. I shut my eyes and took in a deep breath. I waited four seconds before I opened my eyes and let the breath out. I removed Andrew’s arm from my waist and placed it at his side. I got up from the bed as carefully and quiet as I could so I wouldn’t disturb him. I found my dress next to the bed and pulled it over my head. Then I walked over to the corner where my heels were thrown. I slid my feet into them and headed for the door. I turned the knob and left without looking back. There was an eerie feeling at two in morning as I made my way down the hall to the elevator. The elevator doors opened right away when I pressed the button with a triangle. I stepped in and took it down six floors to the lobby. I walked through the lobby and out the front door. There was a path to my left after I stepped out of the main entrance. I took that path and found myself at the beach, wanting to follow that man. <span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 115%;">I didn’t care where I was going as long as it was away.

**<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Chapter 7 **

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> Peter was holding my hand as Dr. Roach squeezed a gel like substance out of a tube. It felt cold on my bare belly and tickled when it was rubbed around.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> “There,” the doctor said, pointing to the computer screen in front of me.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> Peter’s hand tightened around mine. I squeezed it back in return. I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. Among the grey and squiggles was another life. “My baby,” I let out under my breath.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> “Actually,” said Dr. Roach, “babies.”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">I was very caught off guard by what the doctor said. “Babies?”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“Twins,” he said.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">My mouth dropped open, but no words escaped. I was so surprised there was nothing that I could think of to say. I just lay on the bed speechless.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">”Would you like to know the sex?”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> I looked at Peter’s soft brown eyes. “Yes,” I managed to say.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> The moment before the doctor spoke again was silent. I could feel Peter’s hand tightening around mines again. His ring was pressing into my hand, leaving a mark, but I didn’t mind. I could hardly breathe. I knew there were only two choices for me to hear from, but the anticipation of waiting to hear whether he, she, them would grow more inside of me was killing me. I almost sat up to demand the doctor to just tell me now.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“Well,” Dr. Roach said, “congratulations. You’re going to have a handful with your two boys.”

**<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Chapter 8 **

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">I was feeling much better now even though I was throwing up only minutes ago. The pastel colors of the twins’ nursery were soothing. I felt calm and relaxed in the room. I walked over to one of the twins’ blue cribs. Peter and I weren’t sure who was going to sleep in which crib yet, or even what to name each of them.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> Peter came home yesterday with two pillows. He had put them in the cribs when he came home. I picked up one of them, reading the embroidery on it, //Daddy’s Little Boy.// The room seemed to get much hotter and I couldn’t breathe. I suddenly felt sick again. The room around me started to spin so I grabbed the bars of the crib to hold myself up. That didn’t do much for I ended up on the hardwood floor curled up in a ball, grasping the pillow. My vision was blurred and my face was wet.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> Peter was downstairs and I knew he would come up soon, wondering why I wasn’t ready for work yet. I didn’t want to get ready. I didn’t want to do anything but stay in this fetal position and left here alone, but I couldn’t do that. I sat up, leaning against the crib. I held the pillow to my chest, crying into it.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> I looked up when I saw the door to the nursery opened. Peter appeared in the opening.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> “Oh my god! Sophia!” Peter rushed over to me, putting his left hand on my right shoulder and caressing my left cheek with the other hand. “What happened? Are you alright?”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> I sniffled a bit, “Yes. Don’t worry.”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> “Why are you on the floor?”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> “I felt a little sick. It must be the morning sickness,” I tried to make it sound like I was joking. “I just sat down for a moment.”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“You’re crying.”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">I tried to give Peter a big smile. “It’s nothing. My hormones are just wacko right now. I was just happy thinking about our babies and I just got over joyous and I couldn’t help myself when I started crying.”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> “Are you sure?”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> “Yes. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I really am.”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> Peter didn’t look convinced, but he realized that was all he was going to hear from me. He attempted one more time to help me. “Do you need me call in let your boss know you’re not feeling well? I can stay home if you need me.”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“No. I’m fine. I’m going to get ready and go to work. I’m going to miss enough days when the boys are born.”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';"> Peter let out a breath of defeat. “Ok then. I have to leave now or else I’ll be late. Are you sure you’re ok? Do you need me to do anything before I go?”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">“No. I’m fine. I don’t want you to be late. Just go.”

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">Peter bowed his head in shame. “Fine. I’ll see you later. I love you.” Peter gave me a kiss and walked out of the room.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">I waited until I heard his car pull out of the driveway to get up. It was too hard to get up on my own with a large belly so I grabbed the bars of the crib again to help myself up.

<span style="font-family: 'Cambria','serif';">I hated lying to Peter. It hurt so much I almost couldn’t bare it.

//<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">The lobby was white. The ceiling was white. The walls were white. The chairs were even white. All this white was probably reflecting off my skin, making me look as white as a ghost. I stared at the floor (luckily that wasn't white) until the receptionist called my name. // //<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">"Sophia?" // //<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">"Yes," I looked up. // //<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">"You can go in now." // //<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">"Thanks." // //<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">I got up and walked to the door. I opened it in went to sit on the blue couch. Across from the blue couch was Dr. Miles. He was sitting on a black leather chair with wheels and spun as he pleased. His eyes followed my back as I went to the couch. // //<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">"How are you today, Sophia?" // //<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">"Fine, thanks. And you?" // //<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">"I'm fine too. So, what did you do yesterday.?" // //<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">I stared at Dr. Miles's feet as I answered. I felt uncomfortable staring right into his eyes. His eyes were piercing and I felt he could see right through me. He could see every mistake I made. Every guilty thought I had. // //<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">"Well, I took Jaime to the park yesterday. I thought it'd be nice to get some fresh air. It was a very nice day." I looked up at him from the corner of my eye. He was writing something down behind his clipboard. // //<span style="color: fuchsia; font-family: Cambria,serif;">"When you took Jaime to the park did you feel ansy? Or tired? //